Thursday, May 31, 2012


tonight was one year since something special in my life occurred.
and i didn't handle it the way i wanted to.

instead of doing what was expected of me,
i found myself working on my graduation speech
with a friend of mine.

you know that feeling of being in the place you
know you should be, but instead of feeling comfort
you find yourself anxious and even a bit sad,
because you miss where you used to be.

well, i had that.
the catch was that while i had that feeling of longing
for one year ago, i was writing a speech that
pertained entirely to the future.

i know that god is trying to teach me a lesson,
but what i don't know is why it's taking so long.
and i know that at this point, faith is
supposed to come in.
but even faith that moves mountains
sometimes seems invisible.

i know that some people don't believe me,
but what i said all along was true.
and it still is.
i can love whomever i like.
whenever i like.
in spite of anything or anyone.
it's my story.
and god simply decided to play a major role in all of it.

believe what you want.

lasts but not least.

exactly ten minutes ago i came home from high school.
i went to my last class.
gave my last presentation.
signed my last year book.
and said goodbye.

i've been saying that i spent 720 school days
wanting out of high school
but in the last 72 hours of those days i decided to freak out.
and i'm still kind of freaking out.
i find the moment i'm in as one to be
taken whole heartedly and graciously.
i hear it's a rare moment.
so i'm making sure to breathe it all in.

here's the few of us left at brunch.
it was fabulous, twenty-twelve.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


sometimes, i get really tired of the negativity of other people.

sometimes, a lot of the time, i miss those who hurt me most.

sometimes, i pretend that things were different, even if i'm secretly glad that they're not.

sometimes, i think and wish i were much older than i really am.

sometimes, i wish i were younger than i really am.

sometimes, i wish i could pull off wearing my green tights that i've had for over a year.

sometimes, i wish i were good at math.

 sometimes, i'm really excited about oregon.

and sometimes, like now, i'm a little bit nervous about it.
and i'd rather not let anything go here.

but if things in life were not renewed,
then where would the loveliness in it be?
i hope you've had a wonderful tuesday.

Monday, May 28, 2012

grad party.

crazy that my graduation party was this past saturday.
where has time gone?!
i'm sad to say that i was unable to take as many
pictures as i would have liked,
but here are a few with my lovelies..
(oh, and some of them are blurry...thank you, friends, you're all fabulous photographers)

and the night would not have been right if it had not ended with yogurt.
so greg, he's one of my best friends, and i decided to take my nieces and nephew
for a lovely treat.
he was pretty exhausted after that little outing, i'll tell you.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

wanna be.

i'm a wanna be people pleaser.
i'm a wanna be photographer.
i'm a wanna be perfectionist.
i'm a wanna be forty-something year old.
i'm a wanna be sweet-eater.
i'm a wanna be good driver.
i'm a wanna be fashionista.
i'm a wanna be blogger.
i'm a wanna be piano player.
i'm a wanna be good-joke-teller.
i'm a wanna be forgetter-after-i-forgive.

i'm many wanna be's.
and sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like these.

and sometimes, just sometimes, i wish that
i felt this way every day.

and sometimes, just sometimes, even when i do not,
i'm still happy because i know it's still okay.

because i'm me, and they say
that knowing so is quite okay.

i hope that you had a beautiful sunday.

p.s. i decided recently that this is my life song.
the soundtrack isn't the newest soundtrack,
and the song has no words.
but i love it so much,
and every time i listen to it
i imagine my life playing out to its tune.
and the cover is lovely is that?
silly me, i know.

*the song is the winner is

Friday, May 25, 2012

a day for lots of lovely, little things.

oh my, where do i begin?
this morning consisted of nothing but
looking into the future, with graduation, asb,
college, and all.

and for the past hour i have taken a trip down memory
lane and i must admit that i am currently quite nostalgic.

it amazes me to think that i graduate in exactly one week.
one whole week.
which is not a very long time, if you really think about it.
anyhoo, it is already crazy enough to think about where i am
in life at the moment.
but all of the old photos that i have been sorting through
have made my current state seem more unbelievable
because they remind me of where i have been.

it makes me very happy that i won't look back on high
school with much regret.
perhaps my one little regret might be that i wished and
waited for it to end for four whole years...
and now, here i am, thinking, waiiiiiit! stop! let's slow down,
thank you very much!

it occurred to me that as of next week, i cannot depend on
the excuse of being a high schooler for all of the moments
when i find myself either in trouble or simply feeling naive
because i will be an adult.
and then it also occurred to me that i am already an adult!...
though it's just a number...i promise i will stay a child for a long time now,
perhaps even forever :)

four years have passed with such speed and change
that thinking on the four ahead is not comprehendible!
so, where would i love to be in four years?
well, i'd love to be married...or engaged!
i'd love to be graduated.
i'd love to have lifelong friends in my life.
i'd love to be considering the prospects of moving somewhere new.
i'd love to have a job i enjoy, though i doubt it will be a permanent job.
i'd like to say that i'm not so much a  stress case anymore!
i'd like to still love god with all of my heart.
i'd like to have read many, many books.
and to have a special spot with a special someone,
whether it be a book store, or a coffee shop, or a lovely view.

and here are just a couple of pictures causing all of this nostalgia..

Thursday, May 24, 2012

lovely thursdays

every thursday, julia, one of my best friends, and i have a "date."
usually these dates consist of magazine readings in barnes & noble,
or shopping,
or thrifting,
or driving around singing very, very loud,
or going to a coffee shop,
or even just staying in and watching television.

whichever the choice, we don't mind.
we just love to occupy ourselves on thursdays.
we started this little tradition a few months back...perhaps even more...
as just a way to have company.
but now thursdays have turned into quite the adventures.
and i am coming to realize that i will miss thursdays very, very much.

especially this little friend of mine.
we've been through a whole lot together
and i am truly blessed to have a friend like her.
she enjoys telling people that, since we are exactly one
week apart, god made me and looked down from heaven
and saw that i needed a best friend, so he then made julia one
week later.
now if that isn't the best little tale, then i don’t know what is.

i sure hope to find a friend...or many this in oregon.

we are weird, and that is okay with us!

my favorite place in this shrinking town.

i love barnes & noble.
no, i actually live in barnes & noble.
it's kind of something that i now get embarrassed about.
i feel as though all of the employees know me as the
girl who comes to barnes one too many times a week.
because sometimes my weekly amount of visits tops to 4...or 5 times.
i know, i know...get a life!

anyhoo, i go there a lot.
and i love it.
what on earth am i to do in oregon?

i actually had my first date in barnes and noble...
my second date... third....
my first kiss in barnes & noble (the fiction and literature section, to be precise)...
i fell in love with a wonderful boy in barnes & noble...
and i even had part of my first break up in barnes & noble.

so besides the whole, that girl needs to get a life, thing i get self-conscious about...
it's the series of such significant events that these employees have witnessed that
very much makes me embarrassed.
though i do giggle about it sometimes.
and it's not like they remember, right?


Wednesday, May 23, 2012


oh, and i'd like to mention that i got a job today.

this equals the first cross off of my summer bucket list!

my almost, new home.

so, this is my future home.
isn't it pretty?

i am very happy about it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

a bucket list for the day after...

so, as i said, i love lists.
so much that i have actually kept a bucket list since my junior year.

that list is a bit personal, however...
and very much lengthy.
fortunately, i have a summer bucket list that i made a few months back.
as i do the goals, i will cross them off here.



bucket list of summer 2012
·         have a picnic
·         aimlessly drive
·         go on a hike
·         sleep outside
·         have a bake day
·         fly a kite
·         find a secret spot
·         have a chalk day
·         paint on a canvas
·         fill a journal
·         scrapbook
·         write a story
·         make a new friend
·         vacation!
·         spend a whole day at the beach
·         make earl grey ice cream
·         antique shop as much as possible
·         get a job
·         sleep 'til 12!
·         learn a dance
·         try sushi
·         have a star wars movie marathon
·         road trip
·         inspire someone
·         read a book a week {or as many as i can!}
·         finish the harry potter series
·         slow dance with a boy
·         go fishing
·         spend one whole day with allison
·         learn to love the giants
·         play catch at the park
·         cook my friends dinner
·         follow a recipe
·         learn to do laundry
·         learn to fill my car with gas
·         plant
·         be there for someone
·         begin to learn a new language
·         fall in love, if necessary
·         appreciate california
·         volunteer
·         stay a few days in half moon bay
·         stay a few days in modesto
·         learn a lesson
·         learn to braid and/or knit
·         take many pictures
·         have a memorable fourth of july
·         go to the garlic festival
·         go paint balling
·         have a water balloon fight
·         clear lake!
·         forgive
·         bike ride
·         cry with someone, for that someone
·         make someone breakfast
·         go to a concert
·         aquarium adventure and, a following, clam chowder dinner
wish me luck!

Monday, May 21, 2012

the next day.

i woke up bright and early today and realized two things that made me very happy:

1) this is my last monday of high school...EVER. and with that also comes (hopefully) never having to get up at five am. regularly ever again


2) i have a blog! something i've always wanted to do

i'm not quite a tech-savvy person, BUT i will be learning the ropes of this thing as i go along.
and hopefully i get a camera by the end of this week, so then i can start posting pictures and what not.

happy monday!

by the way, i just realized that my only two posts consist of lists, i suppose i should make it known that i am very much a list person, always have been.
people say it's due to being a first born!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

today, the start of something new

well, hello.

i've really wanted to keep a blog for some time now, for three reasons:

1. i've been inspired by other bloggers
2. i was born a writer...i'm a lover of writing
3. my life has taken a different course lately and several
new courses are ahead of me, since i don't have a facebook,
i want to do my best to document on here

the funny thing is that no one will read this post for a long while, if ever.
but i suppose that the purpose of writing doesn't mean that it has to be read,
the simple act of jotting thoughts down is purpose enough.

so, here it goes