Saturday, June 30, 2012

i wish...

i could be in this video forever.
i really, really do.
isn't it lovely?
{i saw it on another blogger's site some time ago and fell in love, so i figured i'd share it here}

{i love the clothes, the hair, the yellow, the way the boy loves the girl, and the lyrics}

there are clouds on my ceiling & when i can't sleep i just stare up at them.

i didn't sleep last night. at all. it wasn't fun.
& i work two nanny jobs today. from 1-11.
i feel exhausted already.
and i'm not a coffee drinker so it's not like i can depend on the magic of caffeine.

but i woke up and had this song in my head.
and it made me happy.

p.s. i really do have clouds on my ceiling.
i got them when i was six and when i turned twelve my mom
wanted to paint over them because she thought that i was too old.
the truth is, i think i'm finally at the perfect age to have clouds on my ceiling.
who would have thought?

Friday, June 29, 2012

it's been lovely, lately...

just one more post today
{did i say that today was going to be fantastic, or what?}

{that's my dream kitchen: all white & books}

i liked the dress...she didn't.

 the boys just crashed here the other night for a little while.
& then julia and i had a barnes date on thursday.

...and then we had a date today...
{we found that couple so cute!}

& now my cutie little niece is here for the night!

i'd like for everyone to meet the newest addition to the family, harley.
{my adorable grandpa has wanted a dog for quite some time now & he's finally here!}

i woke up & felt that this day could be glorious, and guess what?? it is! today is going to be lovely because...

...i'm going to wear my new, yellow dress. niece is coming to visit for the weekend.
{see picture below}
...i realized that my sister's baby shower is in two weeks!
{yay! for baby mckinley}
...i'm really really really considering buying a camera, though
the options are quite overwhelming & i feel like it's going to be like having a kid.
...i'm supposed to have lunch with my best friend. grandpa is going to be surprised with a puppy later this evening.
...i had a much needed walk this morning.
...i like knowing that sunday is near.
...i finally have my six tattoo ideas worked out...
now i just need to figure which i want first.
...i'm just so excited for college, especially today.
...i get to go kayaking next week!
...i created a pinterest yesterday and am obsessed with the
wedding and library pins.
...maybe i'll attempt to bake something today...maybe.
...july is in two days, which means six months 'til christmas!
...i have to get started on making baby mckinley's gift.
...i've decided to make sunday's my official barnes & noble day.
{just an evening to go and read or write or draw, or to simply sit and people watch}
...i have complete peace with where i am in life.

today is going to be lovely.
i know it!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

ten things thursday.

ten things that i simply loved today...

one: the sales rack at banana republic.

two: the lovely yellow dress that was crazy cheap because of that sales rack {yay!}

three: jcrew... {sigh}

four: that one particular bench at barnes & noble that just calls my name to come and sit and enjoy.

five: the fact that i've worn the same red dress for two days in a row just because i'm in a boycott-jeans kind of mood, and the fact that i will probably wear it for a third day in a row come tomorrow {if i could wear dresses and skirts and tights everyday, i would be one happy gal}.

six: miss julia. currently, she's dancing around my room in my heels...

seven: seven-eleven. slurpee. and the small, yellow cups that were there today.

eight: that cute boy that brought me an in-n-out shake last night...okay, well my brother bought me the shake, but the cute boy brought him home... :)

nine: home decorating magazines.

ten: singing in the car...singing in the car will forever be a love of mine.

the end.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

three friends, two nights of popcorn, and one night at the coffee shop.

{please excuse the lovely quality of my iphone/picture taking skills}

yes, i am one of those annoying "feet-picture-taking" people.
and yes, i ate a bowl of caramel corn practically by myself.
i think i ate more than the girls!
even though, i don't think it's quite caramel corn.
it's more like brown sugar and a whole lot of butter.
i used to be such a wanna-be healthy eater.
now, i proudly accept being a sweet eater.
i can't help myself!

oh, and i am not a coffee drinker.
hot tea and milk forever has my heart.

the end.

i've come to the realization...

...that i have too many striped tops...
but then again, who could have too many striped pieces of clothing?
not this girl over here.
lots of girls have always said to me that they don't like to wear stripes because supposedly they
make one look wider, or heavier, or {even the word i hate more than most} fat..
but i believe that striped clothing is beautiful and especially the lovely girls wearing them.

i have also come to an even bigger realization.
i had an epiphany today.
i've had many of these all pertaining to the same situation,
but today was...different?
no, it was inspiring.
and i currently have a wonderful outlook on life.
i mean, i generally am a happy person, don't get me wrong.
but i haven't been my normal, outgoing, confident, silly self for quite a while.
until this morning.
it was kind of like, well hello, madison...there you are! i've missed you.

so many people have told me just how common broken hearts are.
and i mean, with music, and literature, and movies, and people in general...
broken hearts are rampant.
how was i so ignorant to this before?!
golly, i suppose i just wasn't paying attention.
anyways, my broken heart has made me aware of two things:

one: just how easy it is to become self-centered because of the pain and hurt.

and then this...

two: just how easy your eyes can open to the world around you. i realize that i don't want to be stuck. nor do i want to grow desensitized to all of those around me. other people have pain too, and break ups {trust me} are not the end of the world. but why should i be hurt, just because i feel hurt?

i suppose i'm beginning to realize what it means to be the bigger person...a line i sooo loved to hear from my parents for all of these years.
but when i think about it now, why not be the bigger person?
suddenly, it doesn't seem so daunting.
but rather, a privilege.
one i hope and believe i'm ready to take on.

i never wanted to bring this aspect of my life onto the blog,
but i know now that i can be completely honest here.
there have been so many lies these past months.
so many words spoken out of anger and hatred.
so much ugliness.
it's felt as though a cloud has been looming over me for some time.
and as much as i've tried to hold onto the one and also the ones that i loved most,
their actions as well as the actions of others caused me to shut down and draw back.
i don't want to assume what was believed and thought of me by these individuals,
because that isn't my place.
but what i can say is that i was genuine and honest with the only person who should have been involved.
i have kept certain things near and dear to my heart. and i forever will.
i have stored the memories deep down and look back on them in delight.
and i still hold a deep love and respect.
but, tell me why this wasn't understood or even respected.
tell me why there were so many lies.
tell me why you didn't believe me.

i'm  ready to forgive.
and i'm ready to move forward.
& i'm saying it here because those who love me most read this
and because i feel more accountable when i write.
and if and when you ever ask and need to know, here's why...

{thanks, taylor, for knowing what to say, and for saying it}

have a lovely & inspired day

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

i liked today.

i woke up a bit under the weather today
and thought, oh no, i have a busy day and i don't feel well.
but you know something, i still had a good day.
and a simple one at that.

today, i told the story of the little prince to the two
little girls that i nanny.
and they loved it!
i had to read it in french class
and it is one of my most favorite stories...ever.
what can i say, i love me a good children's book.
anyways, when i told them that the prince lives in outer space
they made it clear that they, too, were going to go to space.
so we made our own outer space, and rocket ship too.
and it made me smile.
i love being with these two littles, they are the best at imagining.

and on a whole other note, i just had to write about the bachelorette episode
from last night!
yes, i know, i know...but i am indeed one of those fans.
anyways, this season, i have been beyond jealous of all of the destinations
that emily and the men have traveled to.
and when they went to prague on last night's episode,
i was more envious of a reality show than i think i have ever been.
silly me.
but, in all honesty, i have wanted to travel to prague for years.
i really, truly have.
andddd, i've even wanted that to be where my honey moon is....
ah, i feel so lame for admitting this!
but it's true.
i am a history nerd,
and i'm a sucker for european architecture.
or anything european for that matter.
so, they all got to travel to prague...
and i didn't.
and then!...wait for it...
one of the dates took place in a gorgeous, old library.
i was truly jealous then.
but then i realized, well hey, why can't that be me someday?
and i remembered that list of dates i said i should make.

so let this date be the first on the list of dates-to-be-had:
1. a date in an old library {perhaps a library in prague, even...}

a girl can dream ;)
the end.

& a bit from today...

Sunday, June 24, 2012


today i was at my best friend's house
and her mom was getting ready for a dinner.
when asked where this dinner was being held,
she replied, "at maurizio's."
this sounded really familiar and so i asked about it.
turns out, it's the exact restaurant that i was thinking about.

this was the restaurant where i had my first
"official date!"
i remember it so clearly and perfectly.
it's actually one of my top would-love-to-repeat days.
i miss the feeling that i had then.
and i hope i can have it again soon.
very, very soon.
the evening started out with me locked outside of my
house and the boy driving by on his way home from work
(he was working right down the street that summer...which made me a very happy girlfriend).
he told me he'd be back to get me soon
and i was so excited.
i find it funny how we both wore all grey.
and i'm quite certain that his mom even cleaned his truck for him that afternoon.

he picked me up and we were off.
he ordered my meal for me
and we sat outside and talked about everything.
we always talked about everything.
we were both so nervous then, and so simple.
it was so new to be around each other.

after dinner, we walked to a coffee shop
and then to a guitar shop.
we sat on a little bench and then tried to figure out what to do.
we were still so nervous. :)
and neither of us wanted to leave the company of the other.

so then, we just drove.
talked and drove.
talked and drove.
aimlessly, but happily. 
and i even held his hand for the first time.
(not so nervous anymore).
and...then we got lost.
and it was hilarious.
but he literally got me home by 10:01.
one minute late.
such a gentleman.

i grinned ear to ear for a whole twenty-four hours.
and i'm grinning now just thinking about it.

oh little date,
i miss you.
perhaps i should make a list of all the types of
dates i would love to have.
 i hope that everyone's having a wonderful night.

the end.

Friday, June 22, 2012

what means the most.

sometimes, just to have someone listen,
sincerely listen, is the best gift that you can receive.
{and even give}
a friend of mine sat and talked with me this evening
following church service, and we ended up
talking for quite some time.
i went in today feeling as though the weight of the world was
upon me, and she cared so much...and it was so random...
the conversation just happened.
i felt a bit better after the conversation,
more emotionally exhausted than anything;
but i went and bought myself a slurpee {red on bottom, blue on top} anyways.

i've learned in the past few months just how
valuable a listening ear is.
and i hope that i can be the best listening ear for people,
as my friend was to me.

since i'm still not quite myself today,
i've decided to end my day in a happy way...
and what better a way than with a letter.
have a lovely weekend.


dear new clothes,
i love you and all of your secondhand-ness.

dear 7-11,
thank you for providing be with slurpees.

dear august 22nd ,
you're exactly two months away! two! craziness!

dear facebook,
i tried to come back to you twice this week...but i just can't take you back.

dear eddie,
i'm sorry that i didn't walk you today, i promise i will try tomorrow.

dear appetite,
you're too frequent and you like too many sweets! bathing suits do not like you!

dear target,
i have been tempted several times to buy your orange and yellow measuring spoons...
and i neither bake nor own my own kitchen!

dear barnes & noble,
i know i said this last time, but i really do love and miss you.
i'll visit sunday, i promise!

dear instagram,
you're mean.

dear bon iver,
i want to see you in concert.
i reallllllly want to.
and i'd love for you to serenade me to skinny love.

dear seattle,
i can't wait for all of the road trips i'll be making!

dear seeking a friend for the end of the world,
i cannot wait to see you.
i am so excited.

the end.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

ten things thursday.

ten things:
{that made my heart happy today}

one: sour patch watermelon candy.
two: breakfast with lovely friends.
three: crisp, morning walks.
four:'re never too old.
five: harry potter movie marathon.
six: striped shirts.
seven: being able to wear a scarf in june!
eight: when someone is so thrilled to see you that they yell your name
& jump up and down.
nine: library trips and elevator rides with ian & emma.
ten: being indecisive with my nail polish color.
i'm about to have a harry potter marathon with my
brother and our neighbor, abby!
since there are so many movies, we've decided to
watch them all throughout the summer.
ethan has never, ever watched them.
but abby and i are fans.
i even think that she's a true hogwarts student at heart.


p.s. happy belated birthday, miss allison.
i love & miss you so!

p.p.s. here’s a couple photos i just adore.
have a lovely evening!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

"what the kids said," wednesday.

if i could write down everything that the little boy i nanny says, i sooo would.
i think i could write a book off of everything he says.
for one, he's absolutely brilliant.
and secondly, his sense of humor as well as his sarcasm are well
beyond his years.
he said so much just within today that i can't remember all of it.
but these few conversations and moments stuck with me
and make me giggle by simply telling them once more.

me: you are just way too funny, i love it.
you're the funniest kid i know.

ian: i'm not that funny, really.
there are other people who are much funnier.

me: no, you are the funniest.

ian: you know, in the first grade...that was a rough first grade teacher, yeah, i got in trouble a lot,
you see, she just didn't understand my type of humor...


ian: it smells in this elevator.

me: that's because people peed in this elevator.

ian: ewwwwww.
*& then after pondering this, replied with a sly smile*
 at least we know where the bathroom is...


me, knocking on his door: ian, are you in there, can i come in?

ian: what???

*as he's laying on his bed with his arms behind his head and his legs crossed*

me: what are you doing? relaxing?

ian: i'm resting. i've had a really long day. i just need some time for myself.

me: umm...ok.


this kid cracks me up. and i wish i could
retell his stories the way he actually talks and acts.
he definitely has brought sincere laughter back into my life.

have a wonderful rest of your wednesday!

p.s. i learned how to do my laundry today.
that equals a check off of the bucket list!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

a kite.

i am loving my two nanny jobs.
these four children have become some of my most favorite of people.
the things they say are absolutely hysterical.
the things they do make me question their thought processes.
but their imaginations...that is the best part.
i love how simply a child lives.
i totally envy that.
plus, they're wayyyy cooler than me,
and they'll tell you so. :)

anyways, besides that, life has consisted of just friends and family.
today, i had a lovely talk with one of my very best friends, angiolina,
at the coffee shop that i used to work at.
and as much as i am dying to move away and start my new life,
i am realizing just how many lovely people i am going to miss.

p.s. we flew a kite yesterday.
i forgot just how magical flying a kite really was.
and i can cross that off of my bucket list!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

mister george.

dear mister oregon,

i fell in love with you so, all over again.
well, actually i think i might love mister george {fox}, just a bit more.
but i love both of you nonetheless.

dear college,
it is so wonderful to finally be meeting you.
see you in two months!

dear dad,
thanks for the trip.
you are awesome.


so, as of yesterday, i am officially a registered {college}
george fox university student!
and i have a major, christian ministries missions major.
do you know how happy i am about this?
very happy.

god put his plan for my life on my heart eight years ago...eight.
and i fought it for some time.
i doubted it for some time.
and i ignored it for some time.
i suppose i assumed that it would just fade away,
or that i might simply forget..
and i even remember feeling as though god would never
plan on blessing me with such a wonderful purpose, therefore the idea of
such a purpose became not only improbable, but impossible.

well, here i am, eight years later,
and it is happening!

i'm still nervous, don't get me wrong.
will my roommate like me?
are my classes much too difficult?
how will i build a social life from scratch?
what if i grow ridiculously homesick?
what if i flunk a class?
what if i never fall in love?
what if i hate it?
ugh, my list goes on.

but, then it occurred to me...
what if my roommate becomes my best friend?
what if my classes challenge me in ways i never knew possible,
resulting in significant growth in my life?
what if i make lifelong friends?
what if college teaches me to appreciate home?
what if i actually get straight a's for once in my life?
what if i fall silly in love and get married at the age i hope for?
what if i love it?

and all of those what if's make me very happy.
the end.

i found myself a coffee shop/book store...amazing.

i even explored the local library.

leave it to silly old me to find myself a book sale.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

dear you. hey, you.

dear oregon,
i've been so very excited to see you again, but now i find myself a bit (a lot) nervous.

dear clothes,
i don't like the way you look on me today.

dear hair,
please, please, please learn to control yourself. what did i ever do to you???

dear instagram,
our relationship is too unhealthy. but i am obsessed with you so.

dear kids i nanny,
you have blessed my summer more than you'll ever know.
thank you for the laughs you share with me, the stories you tell me,
and the happiness you give.

dear matt cain,
i am not a giants fan. but the game last night was amazing.
all of the interviews on espn have been on alllll morning.

dear bathing suit,
i know i'm going to have to wear you soon.

dear nerf guns,
i can't wait for more nerf gun wars.

dear harry potter,
i promise i will have a marathon soon.

dear barnes & noble,
i know i haven't been going as often as before.
i miss you.
but i just buy too much from you.

dear head scarf,
i want you in every color.

dear chanel no. 5,
please last me 'til the fall.

dear beirut,
you and your songs are lovely. i'd love to see you live.

dear sun,
thank you for not being too warm this week. i'm enjoying
long pants still.

dear july,
please come and go slowly. please.

dear mom & dad,
thank you.
for everything.

dear lexi,
thank you for listening to my story. even if it's become more
and more crazy as the months have progressed.

dear room,
i realize everyday just how much i will miss you.

dear seven-eleven,
i've been meaning to stop by for a slurpee allll week.

dear future husband,
i can't wait to meet you.

dear tomorrow and saturday,
treat me well!


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

yesterday i ran away & i never, ever came back.

okay, i did come back.
but sometimes it's nice to stay in a new place long enough
before it feels old, right?
and sometimes, it's just as nice to stay...even when the newness fades.
anyways, yesterday i ran away to half moon bay.
i do like it there very much.
technically, it's the small little place of el granada that i go to,
but we simply refer to it as half moon bay.
the day was as simple as it was great.
and it was so great that i didn't want to come back home.
of course, the view is amazing.
the beach is beautiful.
then there's a yummy little cafe with yummy little treats.
i chose to try the hazelnut gelato.
and there's even a little book store, but it was closed,
so i suppose that's just a good enough reason to return soon!

i hope you all have a lovely tuesday!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

some things.

i am not a fan of negativity,
but today was not one of my best in the
sense that i felt my broken heart more than i usually do.
i had too many little things occur today that brought back unwanted happy (and sad) memories.
i think it's the change in the season that reminds me of what i once had.
and the fact that my mind decides to recall dates and events all too frequently.
for instance, this next week, these next few months, signify one year since
a really great year occurred in my life.
so, today, i found myself saying, one year ago from today i remember...
way too much.
tooooo much.
i wish there was a cure all for a broken heart.
there isn't.
but, fortunately, a bad day has major potential for
some loveliness.
one bad day gives a million excuses for happiness.
and, so happiness it is!

here's my sunday-make-me-smile list
(not the cure!) but a personal self-help for a hurting heart...
today, these made my frowning heart smile:
1. flowers. flowers. flowers.
2. allowing myself to embrace laziness, even for just a while.
3. reading.
4. drawing...not very well, i might add. :)
5. drinking water out of a pretty little coffee/tea cup
6. coloring books
7. summer hats.
8. put on a colorful top. (i changed my outfit four times today...i change
multiple times when i don't know what to do with myself)
9. pray.
10. instead of dwelling on the negativity of the past, over dreaming and
dressing up the prospect of my future.
11. laughing at myself.
12. eating a mcdonald's ice cream cone...even if the line at the drive thru was too long.
13. saying something...or many things...kind about the one(s) who hurt me most.
14. & out.
15. thanking someone, for even the smallest of things. thankfulness leads to happiness.
16. crawling into bed with the satisfaction that you survived today and that you will get through tomorrow!