Monday, August 6, 2012

"May today there be peace within..."

by, Saint Theresa of Avila

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you...
May you be content knowing you are a child of God...
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your should the freedom to
   sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

*from,  She Walks In Beauty; selected poems by Caroline Kennedy.

Read this this morning and, as I've said countless times prior,
I fell in love.

Have a wonderful morning.
And a wonderful day,
I suppose I will.
The swelling from my wisdom teeth has
gone down almost entirely, though I don't quite feel my whole self yet.
Anyways, I'm going to nanny later on this afternoon rather than all day,
they were so considerate giving me the morning to recuperate.
This is my last week of nannying my four little kiddos and I am so sad.
I will miss each of them so much.
I went into this summer desperately wanting to mend my broken heart,
and I had thought, what better a way to do so than falling in love with children?
Well, as you know, I was blessed with four, and each of them stole my heart away.

The Madison from June is entirely a different girl from the Madison here in August.
Posting that poem is proof enough!
My mentality has altered for the better.
In June I felt as though God had misplaced me.
I did not care about the "gifts" He may have given me.
And I had no sense of freedom, I felt trapped within the past.

People told me that one day I would look back and be able
to laugh at the ridiculousness and not flinch at the pain.
I thought that they were crazy. How could I ever get to that place in my life?
I suppose I looked at it in terms of know how if you can't sleep,
and you lay there, and you think about the concept of sleep, and you wonder what
exactly makes you sleep? Because suddenly, you fail to recall what made you fall
to sleep so effortlessly the nights prior...

I looked at my broken heart that way.
I was so aware of the pain, and so aware of the pain's consistency,
that I couldn't fathom not having a broken heart. And as much as I just wanted to
"sleep," so to speak, I figured I never would.

But the thing is, without even realizing it, we wake up. And that sleepless
night is over. We don't recall the moment when our mind decided to turn off,
we don't even recall our last thoughts...all that matters is that it's morning.

I cannot recall the morning I woke up and felt myself again.
I cannot recall the last time memories brought me pain.
And, I don't really care to.
Because it's morning, and I like morning best.

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