Wednesday, August 8, 2012

so i'm kind of, sort of, not really...

the "domesticated" type.
i know, i know, why should i be when i'm only eighteen?

but here's the thing, i had a little encounter earlier this week with a girl
who is clearly destined to be a piece domesticated perfection.
me, not so much.
and i don't know if it was simply my being defensive or something, but i felt as though
she was very aware of my lack of talent in whole future wife/mother/homemaker persona..okay, so she probably wasn't...
but nonetheless, i felt as though my choosing an education over being
a mom or a wife or whatever was something that wasn't good enough.
i mean, it's not like i don't want to be a wife and mother, and good ones at that,
it's just that i want to have a strong career. 
i want to make a name for myself, 
work my way to the top of something,
tell people what to do
{kindly, of course}.

so lately, i've been thinking about 'roles.'
the roles women play and how they come about those roles.
did she intend on becoming a mother, and settling down to raise a family?
did she always want to be in the corporate world?
what inspired her to live there? do that? become who she is?
how on earth do women get to where they are these days?
me and my mom were having this conversation a couple of weeks ago, 
and she was saying how she's always known that i was to move away,
get an education, and work really hard at a career i loved.
her story, however, is quite different.
she chose to stay in the same town, settle down, have children,
and be a homemaker.
now, i think that mothers have the most difficult and most rewarding job on the planet,
and my mom is quite the woman raising my brother and i,
and i am so very blessed to have had a mom who was always accessible and supportive.
but i have never imagined myself having the strength to have her role.
of course, again, i'd love to be a mom some day.
i hope to have lots of children.
but there's something else i desire too,
and that is to have a career i am passionate about.
getting there is what baffles me.
i have seen so many people take paths that go nowhere, or go places they never would have imagined.
and i have always been taught that we make our own choices and that those choices open and close doors.
i just can't fathom how one really, truly gets to where they're going.
i feel like people are always complaining about not being who they want to be or doing what they want to do, and that girl i was talking about made me feel as though my life was only going to be school and debt and that's all.
sure, life is what you make of it, but what happens when life happens?

i am asking too many questions and am going around in circles.
i suppose all i was trying to say is, i really hope i can accomplish the purpose that god has given me to complete, and still be able to be a wife and mother.
i tell you, i have had one too many people make me feel like
 a bad mother {literally}, and i'm nowhere near having children.

these next four years just feel so delicate and crucial.
so much can happen and so much is at stake.
and here's where that little voice comes in and says,
have a little faith.

trust me, in my eyes, a talented woman/wife/mother/homemaker is a role that i will need alllll of the faith and prayer in.
and some laundry, cooking, baking lessons, too.

ohh, the joys of being a girl ;)


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