Friday, October 19, 2012

when days look like this.

it's cold and gloomy here today.
as it will be almost every day for the many months?
i love the gloomy weather so much.
but while i live in it, i catch myself going back. only for small
instances. i've learned not to dwell in the memory of the past.
it only takes a moment. while everyone around the lunch table is
making conversation, my mind will wander off. and i can suddenly feel
fifteen again...sixteen...and seventeen, too. i remember everything;
and then, just like that, i'm back. and i remember where i am, and how much
god has blessed me with placing my life here. and then i know that everything is okay,
and that going home in a month isn't so daunting after all.

i have lots of homework this next coming week so i am currently
writing from the library.
why is it that i feel most at home when i'm buried behind piles of books?
so it's just me, maybe you, lots of gloom outside the window i am facing,
and a bit of bon iver playing in the background.
because bon iver brings everything back. everything.
i let them play for bits at a time. never longer than i can handle.
just enough for emma. because all of my memories are from forever ago.


  1. love love love this. and bon iver. i so resonate with the first part of this; it's hard not to dwell on things at home, but then i remember that god has placed me here for a reason and that he is good so being here must be good as well.

    i so enjoy reading your blog, it's so encouraging to me and reminds me a lot of what i went through freshman year. you are great.

    1. Thank you so much! This means a lot to me:)
      I totally enjoy reading yours as well!