Wednesday, November 28, 2012

a few reminding me of california. and a few things i just feel like saying!

this season away from home thing is lame. realllllly lame. 
i just want to be able to make hot chocolate and watch a christmas movie every night. every night!

this whole...homework/projects/papers all assigned in one week things is old. it was always old.

this whole...let's make the sky dark at f i v e thing makes nights so, uhm, EXTREMELY LONG.

it is still the christmas season...or so it will be officially this weekend {yay!} and i am 


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

i could cry today.

because i feel so overwhelmed.
technically, i shouldn't have an "everything suck today" attitude,
because in reality life is blessed.
but, then again i am human. and humans are prone to sometimes
having bad days.
so today is a bad day.
but i'm only letting these few, current moments feel bad
because wasting a whole day feeling bad or sad or gloomy is just plain silly.

i suppose i just need to shrug off all of the stressful things and tell myself that
i have this week and next to be absolutely bombarded by my education..
and then the rest is history.

so, i'll excuse you history reading assignment/book analysis paper,
and i'll also excuse this flu like bug that won't leave me alone today,
and the literature project due on tuesday,
and my research essay due on monday,
and my article review paper for bible that's due wednesday,
and all of the other homework that still continues to be assigned,
and the finals that are starting to make their way over very, very soon.


nonetheless, i feel beyond blessed to be attending this university.
so the homework and projects and tests just have to stay around for
another three and a half years.
no biggie, right?

let's hope that today starts feeling a lot less like this...and a lot more like this.

Monday, November 26, 2012

california, you've had my heart this entire time!

after living there for eighteen years, 
it took three months for me to realize that i will never be able to settle
anywhere else other than california.
i know, i know...never say never.
but, really, i love my california.
i do.
i miss it already.
and one day i'd love to move back permanently.
sure, i still want to travel,
and often times that might require of me to stay in other places for
periods of time.
i will do so with the knowledge that california is home. and home is where i belong.

i hope that everyone's holiday was wonderful.
mine consisted of LOTS of family time,
getting a tree,
playing with my triplet cousins,
and eating so much yummy food.

p.s. yes! i finally cut my hair and got some bangs.
told you i would come back to cali with a bang! ;)


Thursday, November 22, 2012


for so much.

really. truly, god has blessed me.

i hope that everyone had an awesome day,
however and with whom ever they spent this day.


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

it's been 90 days precisely since i've been home.

oh, california, i absolutely cannot wait to see you and your bright sunshine self!
now, let's cross our fingers that my flight doesn't become even more delayed!

Sunday, November 18, 2012


i love you, san francisco.
i'm packing for california.
a short trip, but i'm coming home nonetheless.
and, i suppose it's okay to mention that i'm working up the guts to do this...
...i've wanted to try this for a while now, and what better a chance to do so than
when i come home?

Saturday, November 17, 2012

and i told you to be patient, and i told you to be fine // and i told you to be balanced and i told you to be kind//

i post way too much bon iver.
but, then again one cannot have too much bon iver.
her voice to this song gives me chills.
i believe that this song is so timeless.
and the eerie feel to the whole video is amazing.
this song will always be the song i go back to.
always always.


i hope that everyone is having a wonderful weekend.
mine has been filled with lots of homework and gloomy weather and tea.
not to mention too much gossip girl!


pinterest inspired // lately.

Friday, November 16, 2012

what a difference one year can make.

one year ago today i made a decision that has forever changed my life.
i walked away from who and what i felt was the greatest thing my life could ever consist of.
god turned the tables on me, though.
like he flipped a switch and everything was altered.
i didn't seen it coming.
honestly, i hadn't wanted to do it.
i wanted to stay put. comfortable. and with the one i loved.
but god felt otherwise.

i remember driving away that evening wondering about what that day
would look like in a year's time.
i thought that today would consist of regret and heartache. 
god encouraged me to just sit back and trust.
me, sit back and trust?
no way. i'm a control freak.
but god is god, and i am, well, i have no effect on him and his ways.
so, i was obedient. i obeyed out of faith and doubted all the way.
needless to say, i mocked the future that god was supposedly mapping out for me because
i didn't want to feel let down when a year had passed and i was still having heartache,
shattering all of my expectations.

that's just it, however. expectations don't exist in god's eyes.
expectations are never met. 
they're exceeded.
so i spent {and i'm happy to say this} bits of today allowing myself to go back
in the past to remember what life had felt like.
i swear that day is as vivid as today.
it was a cold wednesday.
early evening, in california.


november sixteenth, two-thousand and twelve.
it's a cold friday,
early evening, in oregon.
i'm one year older,
yet i still insist on acting like a child most days.
i try my best to get good grades, and i'm making new friends slowly.
everyday i think to myself that life right now is nowhere near where i thought my life could ever be.
most days this is such a good thing,
while other days i'm just plain scared and homesick.
but god's been asking me to wait. still.
last year, i assumed that "waiting" would only take one month.
try twelve.
down to the hour.

so i told a friend at dinner tonight that i ended things one year ago,
and that i remembered looking at the clock and knowing that it had been five at the time.
tonight i came back to my room and sat down at my computer to check my emails.
i hadn't seen it coming...maybe i did. but maybe i didn't.
god was about to turn a table.
flip on a light switch.

and there it was.
an invitation on the email i have only dreamt of.
an invitation to be apart of the summer 2013 serve team to romania/moldova.
i've been dreaming of going to romania for nearly three years now.
and they picked me.
i feel excited, and frazzled, and blessed, and in awe all at one time.
god said he had other plans but he never mentioned that they looked like this.
one year in god's time is long. and even difficult.
but a lifetime on god's time is so worth it.
and i have to give him all of the credit.

it's so cliche to say...but one of my dreams has just come true.
and i can't wait to see what god's going to do next.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

ten things that i LOVED today...

one. thanksgiving is in ONE.WHOLE.WEEK. soooo exciting.
two. i fly home in five days!
three. christmas break is in exactly one month...i can hear sleigh bells already;)
four. the kiddos that i nanny sent me a care package in the mail, and my cousin sent me socks! 
        i love me some cute socks {remember, i believe that socks should never match}
five. tomorrow's first class is cancelled...i can "sleep in..."
six. i've been in contact with three dear friends of mine back in cali. i love them so.
seven. i'm actually NOT stressed about this research paper i should be stressed about. it's a    wonderful feeling!
eight. the rockstar diaries blog makes me so happy. 
nine. dinner tonight was actually...great. really. sincerely. yay, bon food!
ten. today was so sunny and beautiful. i loved every minute of it!

can you believe it's almost the holidays????

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


so my friend, jake, took me to my first professional basketball game the other night.
and i must say, i enjoyed myself!
i actually got into it, even though they lost! *boo*
anyhoo, we had unlimited food, great seats, and fun company:)
definitely a high light of this semester!

Monday, November 12, 2012

dear anthropologie, won't you dress me?

i went a little crazy when it came to fantasizing about my closet today.
just a bit...i promise!
i believe that every girl should have some sort of fashion wish list...