Thursday, February 28, 2013

25 added to my 200

26. scarves. any and all kinds. they're my must have.
27. receiving a passing grade. c's get degrees, over here!
28. my three friends from high school. they're awesome, even though we've all been through a lot, we love one another unconditionally.
29. quoting movies at random times. i think mean girl quotes are the favorite with my college friends.
30. singing. i sing in the shower, when i get dressed, in the doesn't matter a whole lot where i am.
31. my diego pillow. my friends all have a love for him in one way or another and sometimes i feel like he's a real cat. diego's got a ton of attitude.
32. writing stories. i'm working on a very special project right now. it's a book, and i've been writing for nearly one month now; though the planning has been going on for a while. i'm finally at a place where my characters feel established, and as i write and become more acquainted with them, i find myself falling in love with each of them.
33. this little film. i watch it whenever i need a bit of sunshine in my day.
34. taza's blog! it's one of my sources of inspiration!
36. the number 19. it's been my favorite since i was eight {really} and this year i'm turning nineteen which is super!
37. words. words are one of the best things that god blessed us with.
38. broadway shows.
39. the *ding* the type writers make when it's time to begin a new line.
40. thrifting
41. the baptist church that i got to worship in this past sunday night. it was the most beautiful church i have ever visited.
42. plane rides.
43. twizzlers. the cherry kind. i know, i know, most people i talk to think that all twizzlers are gross. but don't hate.
44. wood floors. they're my fave.
45. painting. it's almost as good to me as writing is. and i, by no means, am an artist.
46. magazine cutouts. such therapy for me.
47. spontaneously speaking french. i best go to france soon before four years of french lessons goes to waste.
48. museums.
49. this is my most favorite office episode, ever. i laugh every time i watch it.
50. in-n-out.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

a list of TWO-HUNDRED things that make me just the happiest.

the first twenty-five:

1. worship music {10,000 reasons, how he loves, and our god to be specific...}
2. discovering new blogs
3. filled journals
4. old bibles
5. anything carrie bradshaw
6. peanut butter with oreos
7. french fries
8. fresh air
9. the color yellow
10. nicely made beds
11. un-made beds on lazy, sunday afternoons
12. any kind of love
13. giving
14. fresh fruit
15. cooking breakfast for family or friends
16. walks through my home town
17. maps
18. tea in a tea kettle
19. amelie
20. mexican foooood
21. flowers on tables
22. springing forward and falling backwards {seasons}
23. crackling fire places
24. planning trips
25. books filled with poetry

the end.
for now.

jimmy choo's v. god's secrets.

is it just me or does this whole college application thing make me feel as if i were
in fall 2011 allllllll over again?!?!
yep. it's just me.

i'm learning more and more about the concept of money.
when i was little, i used to think that all mom and dad had to do to buy me something
was swipe a piece of plastic or sign their name and an amount on a little piece of paper.
then i got a little bit older and $100 at christmas time meant that i was set for the year!
and then! i got a job in high school and "saving" money was nice, but let's be honest,
new clothes weren't going to pay for themselves... ;)
well, anyways, i made sure so save my money up for a year away at college and for some reason
these past few weeks have required...uhmm...a ton of money!
and i haven't purchased a new pair of shoes for a few months now!
but seriously, yesterday i was in over my head over financial aid stuff.
i could have cried.
i'm realizing that money comes and goes like *poof*
and the value of a dollar is waaaaaay more than i ever thought.
it's really stressful when you're in the thick of realizing it.
all of the financial stuff put me in a bit of a bad mood yesterday,
but then, before bed, i read a passage in my jesus calling book
and god revived my perspective.
i totally urge you to buy this book. my mom bought this for me
and i read it every night before bed and it has totally began to change my outlook on everyday things.

here's yesterday's passage:

I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold My hand in trusting dependence, letting Me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy - even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting My promises to care for you.
Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go.

Deuteronomy 29:29; Psalm 32:8

uhmm....future things are secret things????
this is what caught me way off guard.
and then...
*light bulb!*
i got it. 
and i loved it.

i've said it a million times: i am a control freak of my own life.
it's weird because i have no care in the world to control things concerned with anybody else or their lives.
when it comes to myself i drive madison crazy. i do. i do. i do.

so, since it's wednesday and this week is going sooo well,
i'm going to try to remember to allow god's secrets to be his secrets.
i mean, if a boyfriend was going to surprise me with a pair of my first jimmy choo's or chanel perfume, though i would LOVE to snoop around and see what his gift was,
i know he would truly want everything to be a surprise. and lack of snooping would be highly appreciated.
so, i'm gonna let god have this one.
i, as of right now, have not the slightest idea as to where i will live or attend university next year,
and as scary as this is,
i am still
S O  E X C I T E D.


p.s. the choo's would still be much appreciated. or, if i'm going for the whole carrie bradshaw thing,
manolo blahnik's would be necessary, and the way to my heart forever and ever.
and besides, if i'm really moving back to california, i'm going to need a cute pair of shoes to match...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

lots of love for little dates!

a friend of mine went on a date with another friend of mine today...
and i am so happy to say that it was all because of me;)
i've never set anyone up before, nor have i ever seriously suggested one person to another.
i suppose i don't like feeling so reliable over their emotions or something.
anyways! i'm crossing my fingers that the date is at least anything but awkward.
technically, it isn't a "date" but at the same time...two people together, getting to know each other....
...there are endless possibilities... :)
and i am a huge lover of love!

against her will, ally and i spied as they walked off. 
you should have seen us two girls.
we were spying from the dorm stairs and looking out the windows as
we ran up the three flights of stairs to see our cute friend off.

it made me miss some of my first dates and the anticipation that came with them:
brushing your teeth...
thinking about the perfect outfit...
not too casual
not too dressy
not looking like i am trying sooooo hard
wearing the right perfume...
perfecting your hair...

...i mean am i the only one who stressed myself out about this?!
fortunately for me, most of my first dates took place in a book store
{best place in the world, let me tell you}.
they really are the best places to fall in love.
i mentioned that before, here.

anyways, i remember the night of my first date like it was yesterday.
my date was supposed to pick me up around six for dinner which was at this yummy little italian restaurant that was in the next town over.
since i had to be ready by six, it was obvious that julia should come over at one o'clock to help me get ready ;)

he was working down the street all summer so he drove by around four or five that evening just as my younger brother decided to spray us two girls with a hose and then lock us out of the house.
my date sped by and quickly turned around to say hello.
he told me he'd be back soon and the butterflies became more than i could contain!
i eventually got back inside my house and rushed around to get ready.
i wore all grey, with a flower print scarf.
perfect for me.
he wore all grey too, and we matched without planning:)

i remember when he pulled up to my home and came in to say hello to my parents.
i was so nervous,
and so was he. my dad required that he call to ask permission to take me out and dad said i had to be back by ten o'clock on the dot!
dad reminded him of the curfew and we were off.
he opened my door for me and everything!
we sat outside for dinner, and talked about our dreams and hopes as the downtown traffic slowly went by. 
he wanted to go to new zealand and i wanted to go to romania.
he dreamt of becoming a fireman
and i wanted to help people.
we both wanted to go to paris,
and we agreed to learn a language together.
he drew,
i wrote,
and we both loved to read.
when it came time to order i was still so nervous that he ordered for me.
we would catch each other's eyes at times and just smile and stare.
he would get so red, and ask what i was thinking.
as young and as timid as i was, i held all of the power and intimidation over the poor guy.
but i sat there, legs crossed, palms sweaty, with an effort to keep my poise.

after dinner, we walked to a little coffee shop and sat on a bench to watch the cars go by.
he was becoming even more nervous. he never thought that dinner would end so early and we had too much time to kill.
he asked what i thought and i told him that i just wanted to go somewhere and get lost and talk and find our way back.
so we did. we got lost. and we drove and drove. and i held a boy's hand for the first time.
it was sweet and innocent, and it was all so very new and beautiful to me.
he got me home at exactly 10:01. we laughed about that one-minute-late thing for a while after.
i only gave him one quick kiss because i strongly believe in going against stereotypes. 
he was gentleman enough to respect my wishes, and he said a very kind goodnight and waited until i got into my house safely.

i think i had the best first date ever.
 the thing about the first date of your life is that it doesn't matter how the relationship ends, 
because if a relationship follows, then the first date was special and perfect in its own way.
i remember that night in june like it's the back of my hand because that boy went on to be my great first love. 
and it will be a story i will tell to my kids someday even when i'm telling them that they're not allowed to date until they're thirty years old.
because i will not let my children date until they are thirty years old!

anyhoo, that was my first date.
i hope all of you hold yours as dear to your heart as i do mine.
it's one of few memories that i have stored up so tightly that i don't even have to refer to it many times to know exactly how it goes.


some lovely, little dates from pinterest.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

the good not-so-old days.

last night i spent time with a few guys on my brother floor. we really didn't do much. but simply sitting around, just talking, laughing, and even playing some video games with them was enough to make yesterday a good day. i miss the days of high school when i had all of my guy friends accessible. i've always been accustomed to just having lots and lots of guy friends.
anyhoo, their names are corbin, sam and matt, and they totally remind me of lucas, charles and justin! which is awesome.
{the last three are my friends from home}.
it's so weird here at college because it's so much more conservative than my high school environment ever was. so many of the girls i talk to still get so nervous around guys that they don't even have feelings for, and the guys are often just as shy.
i think it's sweet in a way,
but then i laugh and think, "what's the big deal?!"
there's a saying here, "ring by spring," and there are indeed those who live up to this 
expectation. my friends from high school, who attend public schools, date whomever and don't expect a marriage out of it. when i told them about ring by spring they couldn't believe it. and trust me, it's not because they were making fun or anything like that {both of my sisters were married at very early ages}, but it's just interesting to see the contrast in dynamics of schools. 
one of my guy friends here even said that people were asking him if he and i were dating simply because we've eaten breakfast together before classes or do homework with one another in the lobby.
this, to me, is just plain silly.
like i said, i laugh and sometimes think it's sweet,
but then i think, "wait, really?! just being seen with someone one too many times makes some people assume we're dating?!"
so having guy friends here often comes with the risk of assumption that you're dating,
and therefore if you're dating you'll probably be married within a year or two!
right? maybe.
i even learned a new acronym last night: D T R.
define the relationship.
it took several explanations for me to understand,
but then i understood and again thought, "why does everything have to have a definition?!"
i suppose i find it mostly humorous that i come from an environment where no one cared to
really even think much about you {i don't mean that as harshly as it sounds!}, to one where you could possibly be associating yourself with your future husband.
sarcasm, of course. well, sorta... ;)
nonetheless, the guys i have met here have been kind and the ones i choose to spend my time with are complete gentlemen.
and it's wonderful having a few that let me just hang out, especially when they remind me a bit of those i love so dearly back at home.

happy sunday :)

Saturday, February 23, 2013

saturday. {pinterest inspired thank you's}

i am thankful for the quietness on my dorm, because it means i have many moments for myself.

i am thankful for the time i spend away from home, because it means that i have great appreciations for visits.

i am thankful for the three flights of stairs i go down to do my laundry, because it means i am able enough to do things for myself.

i am thankful for the long list of homework i have, because it means i have the motivation to succeed.

i am thankful for the small amount of friends i have, because it means that they're each extra special.

i am thankful for cafeteria food, because it means i always have a meal to eat.

i am thankful for warm showers, because it means that i have running water.

i am thankful for the rain outside, because it means that i have ears to hear.

i am thankful for the gloomy clouds, because it means that i have eyes that see.

i am thankful for the broken heart that i often still feel, because it means that i have a whole lot of love left in me.
what are you thankful for?

Friday, February 22, 2013

a potential new home.







               I MIGHT BE CALLING 


 H O M E!

there's still so much to figure out.
there's financial aid stuff,
scholarship/loan stuff,
housing stuff,
all kinds of not-so-fun-stuff.

i have been accepted to a university
down in southern california

& i am very happy about it.

god's blessings come in many ways,
and he often changes our course into roads
we never knew we would travel.

i'm at the fork in the road right now,
but things should be figured out very soon.
as soon as i have made my decision i will let everyone know!


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

sometimes i think that...

...homework will N E V E R  E N D.

...candy and cookies shouldn't cause cavities, stomachaches, or weight gain.

...a movie a night is necessary.

...the bachelor is just silly. {i love ashlee!}

...oregon is the best thing that has happened to my life, thus far.

...i am caught between then and now; so much so that i get a little confused. oops!

...facebook should just go deactivate itself.

...bon iver came together J U S T  F O R  M E. because, at once i knew i was not magnificent.

...radiohead songs in my head all day just isn't healthy.

...legs should just go shave themselves. it's not like i wear shorts or anything! ;)

...john hughes should just write the rest of my young adult life. seriously, guys.

...nude flats and colored scarves make me look like i'm in paris. but they really don't.

...if i just close my eyes and pretend, then it will come true.

...the bible is the weirdest thing i've ever read. then i remember it pertains entirely to my life. and life is kind of weird. so it all works, right?

...that if i invest too much into a class, then the professor will think i'm weird. weird like the bible weird.

...i might never get married. but then i remember that it's a silly thought to worry about.

...i'm on the verge of something wonderful. and i just might be. it's like i'm climbing this mountain and i can't wait to reach the top.

...i can't hardly wait. i really, truly can't.

lots of love!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

it's so beautiful in oregon

i can't hardly stand it.
sometimes i think that god is showing off,
i actually believe that he loves showing off.
like today.
because it's so beautiful.
really, really.

okay, i have tons of work this week so i might be m.i.a. for a while!
if so, i hope you all have a wonderful rest of your week!

in my mind, i'm spending the rest of the day here,
reading a wonderful book,
with some tea,
perhaps a cupcake,
and someone special.
but only in my dreams.

the end.

Monday, February 18, 2013

from a home, to a home.

i haven't taken off from the san francisco airport since my trip to new york back in 2008.
i like this airport so much more than the airport in san jose.
anyways, i spent the weekend at home and it felt so wonderful
to be back, even if it was for a couple of days.
i spent my time mostly with family,
there was a little bit of shopping,
a little bit of catching up,
a whole lot of eating,
and hardly any sleeping.
it was great.

but every time i come back there is a twinge in my stomach that reminds me
that time at home is always temporary.
and there's constant reminders that home is no longer the same.
nonetheless, the people i love most
live there and that makes all of the difference.

i didn't cry like the baby i am this time.
i'm actually proud of myself.
i suppose there is a quiet sigh of relief coming from this girl today.
i don't love oregon, but i love the people there.

and besides, there's only two months left in my freshmen semester.
time has definitely proven its speed to me this weekend.
i guess i'm okay with it.

anyhoo, i had breakfast at copenhagen's this morning with mom and dad,
and currently i am over looking the beautiful mountains that surround san francisco.
this city has my heart, i tell you.
don't worry, san francisco, i'll be back for you 



Thursday, February 14, 2013

i love...

kind words.

random acts of kindness.


art galleries.

the color gold.

receiving mail.

silly valentine's day notes.

my hobson three girls.

the night before i go home.

calling mom and dad.

today has been a good day.
a simple day, at that.
i won't remember what i did today,
it will fall into the past with all the other seventeen valentines day's of my life.
but today was my first at college.
there was no one special to give me a kiss and a bouquet of flowers,
there was no wearing of the colors pink or red.
there will be no sappy love story movie played at the end of the day,
and there will be no one to cuddle up with on a couch.
but i love today just because it was today and because it didn't rain.
i love today because i get to eat burritos for dinner with a special friend.
i love today because it comes before tomorrow, and tomorrow is going to be wonderful,
and i love today because i feel light and easy.

february fourteenth two thousand and thirteen, you weren't too shabby, let me tell you.


and as i concluded this, my roommate walked in with a box of cupcakes and told
me to pick one.
see, it's a great day!


though i don't have much of a thing for days that make people feel obligated to show love,
i do love love.
and i am secretly a fan of cheesy things.
shhh, don't tell anyone ;)

anyways, i hope that your day is wonderful!
spend it with your better half,
the friends you love,
or just love yourself and the joy of of having a single life!

i sent out a silly picture to my friends who live far away
and got the response:
"chocolates and wine tonight! wooohoo!"
well, my valentines won't have the wine,
but maybe next year ;)


p.s. let your day be as witty, clever, joyous, and lovely as ms. jane austen

if only she could write all of our love stories!
*cough* mr. darcy *cough*

and, to all of my readers,

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." Paulo Coelho

just thought you should know.



i came across this lovely little blog over on tumblr.
this image was posted and i fell in love with it
{typical, right??}

always remember to love love love.

i had a major epiphany yesterday.
i overheard an older man...not an old man, just a man around my dad's age...say something about
i suddenly remembered, i want to go to paris!
because i do, and i always have.
anyhoo, i then thought, well why can't i go? what's stopping me?
only myself.
i was the issue.
so i rushed back to my room and wrote all about it,
and then called dad to tell him my ideas.
the conversation was too personal to write on here,
but i came to the conclusion that i really need to focus on my bucket list more.
{i feel like since that moment i have been breathing more and more easily. there's a peace with resting in whatever god's will may be. i think i might be getting this whole, be eighteen thing}
i've had it for nearly three years now and only a few things here and there
have been crossed off since i moved here to oregon.
i decided to make some personal promises and goals for myself,
though the over all point is to do all of the things i want to do
before i commit myself to a serious relationship.
so i took some things off of my bucket list that are relative to the time
in my life i will be in while at college..even after.
and i want to commit myself to this list.
i don't think that i have to live by it,
or that, should i fall in love, i will fail my goal.
instead, it's a reminder to myself of all the things i feel passionate about
or curious with.

here's my list 
{all originating from my whole bucket list}

climb a mountain
live {for a semester} in new york, new zealand, australia, or france
sky dive
pay for a stranger's dinner
find employment
hold a snake
go on a blind date
participate in a pie eating contest
road trip
vacation with my family
attend coachella
use a map
ride a bike across the golden gate bridge
visit the louvre
read all the works of cs lewis
learn to no longer judge a book by its cover
say yes more
write about the people i meet 
inspire someone
go to a yankees v. red sox game
study some theology
go to boston and/or dc with dad
by something from an auction
buy my own car
learn to fill that car with gas!
slow dance with a boy
graduate from college
scuba dive
learn to snowboard and/or surf
take art lessons/ take french lessons {again}

here's the list.
it's a lot.
but they're pretty beautiful and exciting things.
and life is pretty beautiful and exciting. 


Monday, February 11, 2013

what i love lately

i love stationary.

and sunnies!

this book is fantastic. i cannot put it down!

all lovely things!
hopefully you're all having a great monday.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

just for a good saturday night laugh!

my mom and her best friend quote this all of the time.
and i laugh uncontrollably every time i watch it.


what do you do when bible homework is getting you down?!?! take pictures with your fruit roll-up, of course!!!

boredom strikes!
what is girl to do???!!!

 girl has too much homework. 
girl might go crazy...

but wait!
girl remembers hidden fruit roll-ups!

girl is happy.

and eats it all up. 

should girl have another?!
girl is sad to have finished her snack.
but there's more! 
girl knows mom would say, "too much candy."

 that's okay, girl has stuff cat "diego" to keep her company!

my typical saturday is pretty self explanatory.
hooray for the inventor of fruit roll-ups.
you saved me from completely losing it! :)
two and a half hours and i haven't even finished two essay questions on my take home
quiz! golly, me oh my.
i love the bible, but this in depth stuff is kicking my butt!
who would have known that the gospels all had something entirely different to say,
despite the fact that they all tell of the life and times of jesus!
who knew?!?! 
not this girl.

i hope you all enjoy your saturday,
and if you can,
grab yourself a fruit roll-up!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

butterfly kisses.

my friend ally posted this to facebook,
and when i walked into my room my roommate was crying
so i decided to see what the tears were about.
this video is so touching.
i hate the circumstances of the video, but i love the sweetness and love that are within it.
just makes you want to give the bride a hug.
and this song is just beautiful.
this reminds me of my dad, and how special he is to me.
to think of not having him to dance with on my big day,
or even thinking about not being able to call him on my way to class 
is beyond me.
i love you, daddy, so very much.

here is the bride and her father's story, found here.

"Ok consider yourself warned. This video is so touching that you're going to shed some tears. Grab some tissues NOW!
Here's the background story: The father of the bride passed away just before the wedding from pancreatic cancer. So the bride's brother recorded one of their father's favorite songs, Butterfly Kisses. It's played while she has her "Father-Daughter" Dance with her grandfather, brothers and father-in-law.

Here's your last chance to grab some Kleenex..."

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

just because this song makes the clouds go away.

i've been humming this song all day.
i love them.
and this song.
it makes me want to dance.
and dancing and jumping around your room alone, or with someone you love,
is awesome.
try it sometime.


i'm pretty sure the sun is working overtime to outshine those oregon clouds!

it's succeeding...then failing...but at the moment, it's succeeding 
{and beautifully bright}

i like when...

...people smile. even when they don't know you.
it's even better when they give a hello!

...i open a new book and have no idea what to expect.

...i know i have homework and studying to fill my afternoons {weird, i know}. makes me coffee in the morning. it's yummy and it wakes me up
{should i be worried about how much i'm beginning to enjoy/need coffee in the morning?!} in the mail. especially the postage stamps. or when there's lots of words written. or when the envelope is decorated.
it's all very wonderful, getting mail. friends come and sit on my bed and talk. i was nervous about living with so many girls,
but it's turned out to be one of the best experiences i've had.

...i wake up not remembering when i fell asleep {there hasn't been much sleep for me lately, sad!}

...i can make a countdown for california {currently: 9 days!!!}

...i wear knee high socks. they make me feel like anything is possible.

...friday comes along and it's just me and my netflix. sky can be seen. it's become one of the most magical things about life for me.

Monday, February 4, 2013

for you.

my pastor's wife sent this to me the other day.
and it was shown today in chapel.

the robert frost quote is one i live by,
it's even up on my wall to remind me everyday that
this road i'm on has made all the difference.
because it really has.

this kid is amazing.
i hope you enjoyed.

happy monday.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

oh, san francisco.

i am no football fan. nor am i any type of sports fan. but i am wishing the forty niners a win today.
i mean, how perfect would it be if they were able to accompany the giants with a championship title?
i think that it would be pretty awesome.
san francisco is one of my favorite places.
but i've said that too much on here! 
happy super bowl, bay area!
i'll be laying in bed all afternoon,
dreaming of super bowl food, and sunshine. 

thanks, pinterest for the wonderful pictures!

Friday, February 1, 2013

in vogue.

i love the homes section under vogue's culture category {both online & in the magazine}
i love to look through the photos of these extraordinary homes and fantasize about
what i want my home to look like someday.
perhaps it's just a girl thing to look at houses or weddings or children 
and dream about all of them.
sometimes i just want to get to that point in my life so that i can see what the
grand picture looks like.
but i know that in order to get the grand picture,
you have to do lots of painting.
so that's what i'm doing now,
while still scrolling through whimsical snapshots of some stranger's life,
and hoping that one day i get to be lucky, as well.

i can't hardly stand just how much i love these books shelves!

and look at the ceilings. 

i'm a sucker for all white walls with lots of art and color statements.

and wallpaper. wallpaper is a favorite of mine, also.

my favorite was the alice in wonderland reference. so pretty, and such a quirky photo.

happy weekend.