Thursday, March 28, 2013

a potential new home

in sunny california.

there's new people,
new things to do,
new places to go,
a new major to study,
new goals to aim for,
new roads to take me places,
a whole new mindset,
new. new. new.

but, i must admit that i felt
as though i was cheating on mr. george fox.
it felt weird to imagine myself wandering
a new campus. i'm used to the faces of kind
individuals that pass me up on my way to class.
i'm used to the steep climb up the canyon.
i'm used to bantering with the group of girls i live with.
i'm used to seeing mr. pacific's handsome face each tuesday and thursday in class.
i'm used to chicken strips every saturday night.
i'm used to solid rock's wonderful church services.
i'm used to rain, and flannels, and rain boots, and umbrellas.
i'm used to great professors who have guided me and taught me more
than i could have hoped for this year.
and, most of all, i'm used to saying that i no longer live in california.

i haven't made a decision yet.
there's still some things to be covered and paid and researched.
however, this new school sat so right with me.
i just knew that god was giving me the go if i wanted to.

sometimes he lets us blatantly choose. {that's what i'm learning, anyways.}
sure, we always have freewill, but at times living in obedience to god might
feel a bit suffocating or controlled {even though it's not}.
that's how i felt. and it was wrong. but those were still my feelings and i expressed them over and over.
i moved to oregon to runaway,
i came for the wrong reasons.
why did i base my decision off of a person? did i really do that or do i feel like i did?

blah blah blah.

and then god calmly entered the picture and pointed out the obvious:
this year was intended. it was right. it was healthy.

yes, yes it was, i can surely agree.
but god, i want to feel like i made a choice without
anything swaying me....!!!

and so i got my choice.
and i need to make it quick.
i'm scared.
excited.
nervous.
joyful.
content.
sad {to leave amazing individuals.}

but, then again, one to many people said i never had it in me.
and, here i am...living. and happily living at that.
now, let's just throw in a kind gentleman,
and a nice financial aid package,
and make this move!

cross my fingers
and
the end.

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