Friday, March 8, 2013

awkwardness.

typically people claim to be awkward.
i know for a fact that i am completely awkward in certain scenarios.
painfully awkward.
especially with boys.
some of my friends ask, "why are you so good at talking to guys?"
i'm not. i mean, when they're my friends then it's perfectly fine.
i loooove my guy friends.

however, when i like a boy....that's when my awkwardness comes back to haunt me.
so there's this boy, and i have a major crush on him. i feel like it's high school alllll over again.
it's like that feeling when you're walking through the hallway and you know that he's going to pass you up on his way to class.
you're walking...not too slow, not too fast because either he's running late or he's a bit early. you never know!
you've made sure to wear your best outfit that day because today is the day that you're going to smile and say hello.

make sure that the dress is nice and not shoved into your tights...check!
make sure nothing is in your teeth...check!
make sure hair isn't parted funny or sticking up in odd places...check!
make sure to chew gum...check!
make sure to not look like you're looking..........check!....sorta...

anyways, today is the day. you've had all week to say hello and you've either missed every opportunity or he's walking with people...some of those people are girls, but hey, you have guys friends so why can't he have girl friends?

it's friday, and you know that you have to say hello today or else you'll be forced to regret your awkwardness all weekend until monday comes back around and the cycle starts all over.
so, the day is perfect.
it's friday.
the sunshine is beautiful.
your midterm is done with.
you have a cute dress on and your hair isn't too terrible and crazy.
you have nowhere else to be.
just. say. hello.

okay, the time has come and {let's call him oregon} mister oregon should be approaching soon.
there's people walking through the building. you're nervous, but the butterflies in your stomach make up for the tension.
just say hello.

and there he is.
handsome. well dressed. and serious.
there's no one else. just him.
he's sitting there, book in hand.
just say hello.
i mean, why is "hello" so darn difficult for some of us to spit out?!
he's just a boy.
i'm just a girl.
and yet it's terrifying.
mr. oregon is terrifying.
my palms are sweaty.
suddenly, every girl in the room becomes his "type" with the exception of myself.
suddenly, my lunch feel likes it's all in my teeth.
suddenly i feel as though i might trip and fall.
my dress feels as though it's rising up, making me more and more self conscious.
suddenly i, a girl who never runs out of thoughts and words, is stumped.
i'm stumped! i see him, and i'm nervously trying to keep my cool.
he isn't even looking my way and i can feel the redness of my embarrassment rising in my face.
maybe it'll just look like i tried out a new blush??

and slowly, i approach him.
he doesn't look up.
maybe he doesn't want to say hi? maybe i annoy him? pull yourself together, madison!
i slow my pace and look down at my feet because if i don't i will surely trip.
but i look up at the right time, and so does he.

he smiles.
and i say hello.
he says hello back.
not an ounce of annoyance in his tone.
mr. oregon said hello.
mr. oregon is handsome. really, very handsome.

and just like that i know that being a girl is the best thing.
i know that high school was worth it.
as awkward as it was. because it taught me things.
and now i'm in a world of grownups and i feel like a kid.
a little girl with a big crush.
a little girl with too much awkwardness for her own good.

and i know that when the right guy comes along, he'll beat me to the hello.
he'll be the one with sweaty palms, and at a loss for words.
maybe he'll even see me from across the room and feel like lunch is in his teeth.
maybe my dress will be messed up in the back or i'll trip as i walk,
and he'll still laugh because he doesn't care.
maybe he'll walk across the room and say hello.
maybe, just maybe, i'll smile and say hello in return...because in that moment i know.
i just know that i know that i know. and he knows as well, therefore, all of my awkwardness is paid off because he likes me just the same for my awkward little self. knobby knees and all, frizzy hair and all, chipped painted nails and all...and it will be fantastic. all of it.

they'll make a statue of us.
and then they'll name a city after us.
tourists will come and stare at us.

the end.



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