Monday, March 11, 2013

going against mom's opinion.

last night i was in no mood to eat leftovers at the school cafeteria. and for entire week i had been craving a burrito with a bag of yummy tortilla chips {thanks, mother nature}. so when dinner came around yesterday i decided to go and get myself something to eat. something that i knew i deserved. no one  wanted to go when i said that i really wanted mexican food so i walked to a restaurant by myself to get take out.
my meal was five bucks! {i'm skilled at being the best cheap date ever}
and i only had to wait a hand full of time for the food.
while i waited, i sat with a book and occasionally peered across the table.
there was an empty red seat which, at first, made me sigh and sort of feel a longing for that seat to be filled by someone else. preferably a member of the opposite sex.
but before i let myself dwell in the often-lonely feeling that comes with singlehood i reminded myself that someday, someday the seat will be filled.

and suddenly i was excited.
as i walked back to campus i swung my little to-go bag back and forth, and had a bit of a 
hum in my step. 
i figured that once that little red seat was filled...or any seat for that matter!...endless possibilities would follow.

once i returned to my dorm, i put on sweats, popped the perks of being a wallflower into my computer, and ate my entire five dollar meal. it was delightful.
when ally came in to say hello, she laughed at the mess i had made of my rice.
there i was, on the eve of a weekday, in my pajamas before seven pm, eating take out...
i laughed at myself, saying that i have officially entered that stage of life.
you know, the stage that begins in college and lasts into the years of twenty-somethings?
the stage where i officially become a woman and truly enter the realm of single-girl-hood.
rather than resenting this stage, i am fully embracing it.
{this is where my post title becomes relevant: my mom didn't want me posting anything about this because she says it might look desperate}.
do you know that i hate the word desperate?
i find it so derogatory when used in contexts relating to people without relationships!
i took joy in yesterday's little experience because it made me feel grown up.
i finally feel like i can relate to carrie bradshaw.
i finally feel old enough to attend college/young married groups at church.
i finally feel like i have a right to say, "i'm single"
because when someone says it in high school it just sounds so unnecessary.
i'm finally one of those girls that people write movies and books about.
i'm verging on becoming one of those girls that can joke with her friends about the men that come through their lives.
the kind of girl who learns her lessons, finds herself, and falls in love some day.
and, you want to know something?
sitting alone in my room, burrito in hand, watching a movie...
it was a great moment for me.
i'm becoming one of those girls with a clean slate.
no man,
no ties,
just me and some girls that i love.
not to mention mr. oregon who remains ridiculously handsome, and since he's older i'm left feeling very much like a little girl in a grownup's world, but that's certainly alright.
so here's my thought: i don't know a whole lot about life or relationships, but i am just dying to know more about being in love and finding mr. right.
i pray that when the time comes and i do meet him, i still have this blog.
because love is a beautiful thing to talk about.
i don't think that being one of those girls is desperate or pathetic.
i think that living life, young, and on the verge of being a twenty-something is so great.
it makes me think of an episode of sex and the city when carrie has a birthday and samantha welcomes carrie into her age box.
i'm not rushing my age box, but it feels very girly and very exciting to know that i have experiences ahead of me that will be beautiful, and perhaps even a bit heart breaking.
nevertheless, i will be there, pen in hand.



how i think i look, walking through campus, books in hand. ;)

1 comment:

  1. I. Love. This. You summed it up so perfectly!