and i felt eighteen.
the feeling was so wonderful.
for a whole year and a half i have been in search of my old self.
i've constantly sought myself out.
mostly i'd get remnants here and there.
all of the other times i was completely gone.
i know that something like a "paint war" is silly,
but for me it was so wonderfully normal.
it's the smallest, silliest moments of my youth that i find myself in
a completely different state of mind. a normal one.
i forget the heavy things that cross my mind throughout my days.
i forget that i ever felt torn from my age.
i forget that i was, in some ways, forced to grow up due to unfortunate events.
i forget all of it
and i breathe,
and i participate with those that are my age.
we know little about one another and little of the things we each carry,
and we simply live in a small moment of insignificance.
and that makes all of the difference.
i feel like this is a super cheesy post, but it's how i feel.
i very much cradle small moments where my mind is somewhere else.
i realize in these moments that i'm simply living in god's good peace.
when i take a little walk with two friends just to snap a picture in the beautiful sunlight.
when i get covered in paint by a group of people, most of whom i have never met.
when i sit on my bed and finish off a pack of oreos along with a bowl of cereal.
it's these moments that remind me that i'm young again.
and they remind me that god's right beside me,
laughing and smiling
because i'm laughing and smiling as well.