Saturday, April 20, 2013

the night of the single girl.

i spent part of my evening bonding with the girls from my romania team.
we had a house to ourselves so, with food spread out before us,
we sat around on the floor and laughed and laughed,
and even poured bits of our hearts out to one another.

i love each of them so much, and for different reasons.
i felt blessed to spend just that bit of time with them talking
and even watching a movie {perks of being a wallflower!}

anyways, my friend drove me home around 10:30 and i walked
into an empty room. i have the room to myself for the weekend,
so i decided to make the best of it.
first, i attempted a load of laundry...but the washers and dryers were full
{boo for community wash rooms!}
i then decided to pick out an outfit to wear to church tomorrow.
{i swear, i go to a church with the prettiest people}
and as i was ironing, and in between cleaning my room and
dumping out my trash, i decided to facetime julia.

i think it was somewhere between throwing my hair into
a messy bun, putting on a pair of boxers, and breaking out
the ironing board that it occurred to me that i really was
"living the single life."
and, can i admit something?
i loved it.
i loved opening up the door and knowing that i could throw my stuff anywhere.
i loved opening up my window to let the fresh, oregon air in.
i loved trying on outfits just because,
and then breaking out the snacks.
i loved talking to a friend even though it's late at night.
{for me, anyways}

i have few belongings,
and little money to my name.
after college i will be thousands and thousands of dollars in debt.
i may, or may not, be in a relationship,
but i know one thing is for sure:
my independence is well established and i flourish in it.

there's a wonderful feeling of making friends with late hours of the night
just because you can.
it's even a bit invigorating to know that i can do whatever i want.
now, if only i had a television and a tube of ice cream because
i would definitely be watching some late night chelsea lately
while indulging in a ridiculous amount of dessert.

i think that tonight was good for me.
a good step anyways.
i'm one that loves to be alone, but on my own timing.
i have to be completely in control.
it must be me saying "no, i'm not going to come along"
or, "i'd rather be alone."
if not, then i feel like the silence of an empty room has chosen for me.

can i admit another secret?
i am terrified of being alone with my thoughts for even a little while.
since i was thirteen years old, i've struggled with various things...
feelings that are too big, and thoughts that are too eerie.
anyways, since that age, i've been scared to even hear what i truly think
when it's late at night and i can't find sleep.

so, finding enjoyment out of a bit of absence is a good thing.
and besides, i fell asleep with fitzgerald last night and it was magical.


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