Friday, May 31, 2013

may the 31st.

you kissed me first on may the 31st,

and you painfully let me go one exactly one year later.

earlier this evening, and with a sarcastic smirk, i suddenly remembered those two dates that make today.

oh how our lives have changed in ways we never had imagined.

here i am, one then two years later:

and forever wearing a sarcastic smirk while hopelessly believing in chivalry and cheesy romance.

i owe fate a thank you,
somehow it has a clever knack for keeping us girls
resilient and aware that endless possibilities await.
cheers to us who are hopelessly, silly after happiness.

happy weekend!
i'm about to crawl into bed and write my fiction piece.
then it's off to the flee-market tomorrow morning!


Thursday, May 30, 2013

this past month, on my iphone...

^^^ i love me some lana
^^^brayden, before bed...i love taking care of the triplets!
^^^ rita & tulla
^^^ella! she loves to read :)

what's in my ear today:

i. just. can't. get. enough.
i am determined to see them live.
i haven't been able to stop singing their songs for days now.

happy thursday.
{it is thursday, isn't it?}

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

two things:

“Maybe that’s what religion is, hurling yourself off a cliff and trusting that something bigger will take care of you and carry you to the right place.” 

“This is why you must love life: one day you're offering up your social security number to the Russian Mafia; two weeks later you're using the word calve as a verb.”

-maria semple.

and, my life has been filled with a constant flow of arrested development,
two new books from the library,
and an unlimited amount of frozen yogurt from the local yogurt shop.

also, (one last thing) i got two cacti at the mall yesterday of all things.
they're adorable.
i've decided to name them rita and tulla.
yes, they have names.
they're two peas in a pod.

the end.

Monday, May 27, 2013

what i've been up to lately.

if you haven't been able to tell, 
lately i've found myself in a complete state of writer's block here on the blog.
however, on paper i have been writing a story and i've also been reading like a mad woman.
i find myself so consumed with words lately that i'm practically jumping out of my socks
in excitement to major in english and writing, therefore automatically filling my academic days with words and ideas and writers and inspiration.

i can smell the grammar now ;)

anyways, for some time now i've been thinking about sharing little pieces, here and there, of what i write when i'm writing somewhere other than here.
writing is extremely personal to me which is why i like to keep things on here as light as possible.
nonetheless, it's also my blog and that allows me to post whatever the hell i want.
so i thought i'd share a poem that i wrote some time back.
it's personal, but because it isn't something i just wrote, it no longer has any relevance to me
so i feel more comfortable sharing it.

i hope you enjoy.
i wrote this poem one afternoon because i had something
to say but was in a place of absolute frustration and i didn't even know why.
so when i allowed myself to stop what i was doing and spit the words out onto paper,
this is exactly what i got.

The Absence of You

And here I lay,
 Forever in the absence of you.

You and your words,
 Words of anger that manifest within my mind.

Springtime has come 'round again,
 And the memory of you drifts through the breeze and is reflected by the sun.

I occasionally lay there in bed,
 And I imagine myself rolling over and nestling into your side.

I can smell you if I'd like,
 the taste of smoke that followed you through the door.

And I lay there in bed and I am alone.
 Though your ugly words are a stream of consciousness running through my mind.

The memory of you is hollow
 and unwanted.

My fingers trace the cold sheets, anyways, where your body would have rested.
 And I think of what I would whisper in your ear.

Perhaps I would wake you,
 "Good morning" I'd say.
And in response you would reply,
 "Yes, it is a new day."

Spring time is here.
 But we have been through each season once around.

With each new day, I sleep alone and wake to realize that everything but those changing seasons and   that gripping feeling is new.

Life will always be this way:
 forever in the absence of you. 

Sunday, May 26, 2013

i'm craving

the new relationships i'm bound to have on my next move.

romanian air and sunshine.

a slurpee, since it's been forever since i've had one.

my bed and the conclusion of where'd you go, bernadette?

the rain that should just accompany these clouds already.

a really great music festival.

time with those in oregon and in other parts of the country.
i miss you all dearly.

but summer, you've been good to me thus far.
i hope you've been good to my readers as well.

happy sunday, everyone!
and a special happy birthday to my friend, jake.
you're one of the best people i know! i hope that today is wonderful.


Thursday, May 23, 2013

i spent an hour at the library.

& it was the best/simplest feeling.
i decided to renew my library card
and put it to good use since i'm such a
broke college student that i now refuse to
spend anymore money at barnes & noble.

sunshine & bright sides.

i woke up & knew this to be true.
so i made some tea and decided that i would spend some of my day
at the library before going to work.
and you know me, places filled with books are the best.


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

missing in action for quite some time.

sorry i have been off of this thing for a bit!
i've just been busy with life and enjoying every moment
of spending my time with family.

i've been meaning to post pictures of my last day on my floor
and will hopefully do that soon.
anyhoo, i've been writing again! for my book, anyways,
and i must admit that i am falling in love with my lead character, daniel.

i guess it's because you spend so much time developing the background
and characteristics of your, well, characters, that you find yourself in a bit
of a friendship with them. on paper and strictly in words, of course! {haha}.

i really hope to one day finish this story and possibly publish something at some point
in my life. the story i'm telling is, what i believe to be, a great one worth telling.
though i am completely and utterly biased ;)

anyways, it's another busy week and i am excited to see friends and family throughout these
next few days. but before i go i must mention that yesterday, YESTERDAY, marked the one year birthday of this little blog.
can you believe it?! where has time gone!

i thought i would share the links of those first few posts on here.
i never in a million years would have thought that i'd keep this little blog around
for a year. who knows how long it will keep going.

all i know is that reading through old posts leaves me feeling blessed and satisfied.

i hope that you all have a beautiful tuesday & here are the links below!:

-first post.
-when i thought i'd live in oregon for four years
-when my favorite place was barnes & noble {okay, it still is!}
-when i became a nanny
-when i gained my voice of honesty {right at the beginning, typical me;) }

the end.

Monday, May 13, 2013

what oregon taught me.

so in oregon i was always referencing things from california because
californian things were all that i had ever known.
now that i know two totally different places, i find myself not referencing what i
adapted to in oregon, but actually acting/thinking/feeling differently about everything here.

one year of college works wonders on a person, let me tell you.
and i kind of love the change.

1. i now have to learn how to fill my car with gas because i've never done it. well, i did once as practice during my roadrunner course...but that was when i was fifteen. i never learned last summer because i expected to live in oregon for four years: a magical place where it is illegal to pump gas.

2. no-sales-tax makes a huge difference. i'm shocked every time i buy something. i don't think i'll ever shake it.

3. chapters coffee will forever be missed by this girl. i love you, starbucks, but you just don't do a chai like chapters does.

4. i keep wanting to wear flannels...oregon changed my style and i refuse to ever adapt to whatever the style is in orange county. i will wear my flannels and my pair of converse proudly!

5. i see people around town and suddenly a name from someone in oregon comes to mind. it's the weirdest feeling, ever.

6. i used to complain about not having much to do because here at home i was always busy, but now i find myself so content with just being alone. i actually love it and am avoiding all high school friends. seriously.

7. when people say "it's cold out" and it's like 65 degrees, i love that i've experienced a whole other level of cold that i can say "this is nothing" ;)

8. people in oregon smile. a lot. and when i say "people" i'm mostly referring to those whom i met at fox, but regardless, i do believe that oregonians have more hospitality and consideration than californians.

9. i see the signs pointing south that read "los angeles" and i always say, "i loved when they read portland!"

10. i have counted five oregon license plates since being home. i'm such a freak but i must admit that i try my best to drive along side them just so i can smile. i guess i think that by me smiling i'm saying "i lived in your state!" i know, i know, it's a bit stalker-ish. but those little trees on the plates are just too cute.

there's a comfort and an invincibility that the thought of this place brings me. and i mean it when i say that i'm not done up there in that rainy place. god's always got his plans and his humor and purposes are astounding.

for now, lots of love from over here in my quiet little corner.
i'm about to eat some cake and go to sleep.
these spring/summer nights are just the bees-knees right now.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

i believe that my mom is the best mom.

i believe that all stories deserve to be told.

i believe that wishes are meant to be wished, and promises meant to be kept.

i believe in singing loud & singing a lot.

i believe in dancing as though no one else were in the room. even if i'm not good. at all.

i believe that sunday mornings are best spent in the company of those who believe as you do.

i believe that patience on god is stronger and more rewarding than anything else in the world.

i believe that second chances are necessary.

i believe that forgiveness is medicine for the soul.

i believe that kissing is the best pastime.

i believe that frank sinatra should be played at any and every special occasion.

i believe that vinyl beats pandora, any day.

i believe that writing is the greatest talent/hobby/activity {whatever}. ever.

i believe that typewriters add an extra sparkle to any tale.

i believe that the west coast is the greatest place to ever live within.

i believe that fashion can solve a multitude of problems. it can. i promise.

i believe that the minute you stop dreaming, you stop living.

i believe that things are finally where they need to be. {i'm dreaming bigger}
nothing is perfect, but i've learned to want anything but perfect.
today i learned how to maintain my poise...and i actually was able to do just that.
and the entire time i did so i recited the names of all those i came to love at fox...
you know, all the wonderful individuals who told me i could.
i said their names in my head and in the end, everything was just fine.

i'm ready to belong down in irvine.
but for now i am fully content with going with the flow of life right here where i sit.
i believe that everything is okay. it always is & it always will be.
even when life says it isn't. because life is silly and full of big, unnecessary opinions.


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

this was posted on facebook today!

it made me smile just seeing all of those familiar faces.
and my heart skipped a few beats when it occurred to me that in
one month i'll be in romania!

dear hobson three,

i remember what i was doing at this very time last week.
last week, however, feels like an eternity ago.
i had a different room,
a different schedule,
a different school,
and most of all, i lived with you girls.
so, here's to you, every last one of you beautiful
people that lived on the third floor of hobson,

abby & kalina
elisa & mandy,
kendall & annette,
hannah & sarah,
lauryn & sara,
aleassa & brenda,
lauren & izzy,
ally & courtney,
rachel & christina,
simon, miko & cherry,
abby & megan,
jenna & katie,
my roommate, angelique,
and our floors wonderful RA, megan.

i don't quite know where to begin,
and i don't even know which of you, if any, will read this.
but i have so much to say to all of you, though to some more than others.

allow me to first say how blessed i was to have been given this floor.
no, i don't just say this because i got lucky and i'm just trying to add extravagance to my gratuity.
i am actually overwhelmingly blessed to have met each of you.
i look back on this time last year and it amazes me that i couldn't think any of you up.
i used to try and come up with names and faces of all the people i would eventually live with.
let's just say that you all surpassed the ideas i had concocted in my head.

remember our very first time meeting?
you were all sitting in a circle on the first floor of hoover and angelique and i arrived late.
i can recall looking around the large circle of unfamiliar faces,
though most of you were blurry due to the fact that i probably wasn't wearing glasses.
nonetheless, i remember all of you at the hoedown a few days later.
i was scared as hell and couldn't imagine living months and months with strangers.
little did we know how fortunate we would be.
i think that the awkward-move-in/first-time-at-college phase ended quickly,
because before i knew it i felt at ease.

i could say things to each of you on here but it would take too long and i
would probably begin to cry and i'm not in the proper setting to begin crying right now.
anyhoo, i've been away from all of you for three whole days.
three. that's it.
part of me feels as though it's been three months. it feels long.
and i miss you all.

i know that i wasn't very close with all of you...we all had our little groups
on and off of the floor, but i would just like to say that i treasured each of you in some way or another.

i had the privilege of watching you all grow,
some of you grew in ways that inspire me.
i had the honor of holding some hands when one of you fell,
and i had the blessing of being held if times felt too difficult.

thank you for everything.
i wouldn't have wanted any other floor for my freshmen year of college.
and i wish each of you the best in life.
you are all so beautiful,
and i will forever hold you near and dear to my heart, truly.
thank you for this past school year,
and good luck in the years to come.
i cannot wait until us hob three girls get married, start careers and have babies.
i want to hear about all of it!

i love you all.
and i can't close this post without saying the biggest thank you to my RA, megan.

dear megan,

you are one of the most beautiful people i have ever met, inside and out.
thank you for always being so selfless, compassionate, and caring.
i look up to you in so many ways,
not having you in my life is the biggest bummer.
thank you for always having a door open, and for listening when i needed it most.
you are so wonderful, friend.
i love you so much, and i am so proud of you for everything you've accomplished.

i love all of you crazy girls.


Monday, May 6, 2013

pacific northwest and its invasion of california.

i suppose i thought that moving out would be bittersweet, but especially sweet
because it meant that i'd get to see loved ones again.
and so far it has been wonderful seeing those loved ones.
but what i didn't allow myself to focus on was the bitter part of the whole good-bye.
i knew i'd be moving out, but i couldn't comprehend it.
then friday, may 3rd came and it was time to say goodbye.

some of my goodbye's were rushed, and done poorly because of all the craziness;
while others were heart felt and emotional.
i didn't know what to do with myself after i finished my last walk through campus that evening.
where do i belong now? i asked myself repeatedly.

i keep saying that my life feels as though it's in limbo.
home here in gilroy doesn't quite feel like home...
it's like a pair of socks that are two sizes too small, and filled with holes.
newberg oregon had become a lot like home in some ways, but it's no longer home to me
which feels entirely odd.
and then there's the reality of a new home that awaits me in sunny, irvine california -
a place that i cannot comprehend.

boxes of my small amount of possessions fill my house here and there.
my room is a disaster,
my bed doesn't feel right,
and i can't bring myself to really fall asleep at night.

and while oregon experiences some unusually warm, sunny weather,
the pacific north west and all it's dreariness and cold have followed me south,
making it so that i feel like i'm only miles away from portland.

i don't want to be back in newberg to live next fall, i know that it's not where i belong.
but i am not at all opposed to the idea of moving back to portland in a few years
once my undergrad is done.
i am so very excited to begin a life in southern california, but i don't think of it
as long term.
though for now i'm going to do my best to remain in the present.
i need to do that.
my mind never stops and i'm always planning.
for the next three years it'd be great to just disregard all sorts of plans...
though just right now i planned to not plan for three years. {haha}

how about: no planning for today. i'll just do today.

anyways, i'm missing oregon and the little life i began to create there.
i learned just how much i love being on my own, even though taking a break and spending
time with family is such a needed blessing.

i love you oregon and i love you california.
and just as i wasn't quite done living in california,
i'm not entirely done with living in oregon, either.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

n i g h t .

i had the oddest dreams last night.
some of them were of home.
people from before were in it too.
and then i was in san francisco where i found myself saying to my dad,
"i never want to leave," to which he replied, "me either."

anyhow, i woke up and realized that i only have one night left in this little dorm room
and i'm feeling rather nostalgic.
i love each of the girls {and potentially plan on writing about them here}.

mom and dad should be making their way up to oregon later today.
i can't believe this is all happening.
only two classes stand between me and summer/romania/concordia/sophomore year.
these next few months have so much in store that i can hardly comprehend any of it.

well, class will be starting soon and i need to make the absolute most out of my
v e r y  l a s t  d a y  l i v i n g  i n  n e w b e r g  o r e g o n .


p.s here's an image i love because i woke up and had honey & the moon in my head.

let's go to greece some day, shall we?

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

i saw this on a cup of jo...

and i've literally read through the entire blog.
the pregnant husband is hilarious.
i hope to one day have that much humor with my husband
if/when i ever expect a baby.
literally, i was laughing my head off.
and it was an excellent way to procrastinate!