Thursday, September 12, 2013

i want to go everywhere in the world with you.

today was the study abroad fair here on campus.
to say i was excited about all of my potential traveling opportunities
would be an understatement.
i have two booklets right now filled with all of the information i need to
take off on a plane and lose myself in another culture for a few weeks to a couple of months.

things like study abroad fairs make me feel both excited and nervous.
i'm excited due to the idea of travel,
yet i feel sick at the idea of a trip not working out.

i can't really describe it.
remember what i said on my last post about not being able to stay in one place?
it's because the idea of passing through life comfortably is one that doesn't sit well with me.

i've always had this dream of traveling and meeting people and eating weird foods and
walking in the shoes of amazing individuals.
now that i'm at the age where this is possible, i feel overwhelmed by the amount of
places there are to see and the amount of things there are to do.

i am so fearful of regret that i try my best to make decisions that i feel will
bring me the most satisfaction throughout my life.
so, i want to choose my countries wisely because i really don't know when or if
i will be able to travel again.

i've always had this idea that, in a perfect world, once i become a mom
{because really, my most valued and private dream in life is to be a wife and a mom}
i'll still be able to find a year here and there where i can take my baby and my husband and
go somewhere that takes us away from the comforts of america.
even if it is just a week or two at a time.
i want he and i to know when it's time to take ourselves out of a routine,
and i want us to crave adventure together.

i think that mom's have the most rewarding and fulfilling jobs,
but i can't see myself staying put until my littles are grown.
i want to be able to know things about life and to share those things
with my kids. i want to watch their reactions to the world around them,
and i want them to know that there is a god who has created this whole world and
it's here for them to experience and be knowledgable about.

i want to be the mom that's been there, done that.
the mom who takes her kids to the museum on a saturday before or after soccer practice.
the mom who doesn't say don't touch that, because i want my kids to be able to touch and experience as much of life as possible.
the mom who has stuff everywhere, not because she doesn't keep a clean house but because she believes that her kids should try to cook if they want to cook, or paint if they want to paint, and make the messes in life that need to be made so that they can grow.

when i was growing up i liked to impersonate people and to write and to perform for audiences or the video camera {i have one too many embarrassing videos, let me tell you.}
i would write comedy scripts in my journal or come up with plays and stories.
no one ever told me no and i am so grateful for that.
my dad has always said that no one encouraged him to go and chase his dreams,
so he is absolutely adamant that i do whatever it is in life that allows me to grow and chase what i love.
and because my writing was encouraged throughout my childhood, i now carry it with me everywhere.
if i could write about people for the rest of my life i would feel so content.

i started my adventure in oregon, continued it in romania and through moldova, and now i'm looking for the next part, whether it be in paris, italy, or even cambridge. there are so many options!

and life is so beautiful!
the thought of sitting by and watching it go
just isn't going to ever be enough.
i don't understand how anyone could go through life
in one place, never wondering about the billions of
others that exist.

the end.

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