Monday, December 16, 2013

tis the season.

there is something beautiful about saying i remember when that used to matter, but now it hardly crosses my mind.

there is something delicious about an entire tub of rocky road ice cream waiting in my freezer.
just. for. me.

there is something freeing in saying, okay, god, this one is all you.

there is something wonderful in realizing that my world extends past the borders i am within.

there is something endearing about hearing the words i love you.

there is also something frightening in saying them back.

there is a feeling of blessedness in the truth to this christmas season.

as the year comes to a close i am reminded of how much love surrounds me.
often times i find myself feeling stuck.
for some reason i always feel like people just won't stay.
my parents have never understood this mentality of mine, since they are an excellent example of how two people do stay together and work life out.

i am at a loss for such an honest and somewhat morbid thought.
as i'm getting older i find that i want answers to things about myself.
sure, i've still got plenty of time to wait-and-see... wait and see who and how i turn out, and stuff like that.
but i am eager to know.
i can recall being twelve and feeling so terrified to be where i am right now.

but here i am.
this stage came so quickly.
it's a difficult time, figuring stuff out and all,
however, i absolutely love it, even if i am sometime scared.

i can honestly say that i am content with the small things that make my life feel so full.
it has been a year of big blessings that make the smaller blessings feel even more valuable.

so i'm home now, and i'm different and it's honest to god a wondrous thing.

yes, my father went out and bought me a tub of rocky road ice cream at my request and it is delicious.

i am learning more and more to let go and to let god. it's tough but he is so very good to me.

i've recently had contact with a few members of my romania team and they make me feel grounded again. it's a feeling that is so hard to come by, and, therefore, so needed in my life.

i'm learning to listen and to say "i love you," and some days i want to say it a million times and other days it makes me curl within myself because i know that i have so much to lose, but thinking of love and loss in the same thought is way too unfair, don't you think?

and yes, christmas time is all about feeling blessed. i was listening to a segment today all about how christmas is becoming more and more rejected or secular. and the whole idea of rejecting christmas made me sad. yet, at the same time i felt fortunate enough to know the true reason for the season, and in that i feel humbled by this entire year.

2013 is looking good so far.
and i wish you all the happiest christmas season.


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