Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Sense Of An Ending

Today is my last day in Irvine and it succeeds and fails at feeling like a last day.
I've slowly been packing and cleaning and making vague attempts at studying, but today lacks
the sense of closure that last year's move had.

The entire campus has summer in the air.
Everyone is exhausted from two semesters, and ready for the break.
So much time has passed,
and yet life has come down to blinking.

Time used to lag on and I felt so young for such a long time,
but it's as though I blinked last May and now here I am, hours from a
brand new May.

Saturday will mark an entire year since I've seen and hugged my dearest friends
in Oregon, and now we are no longer first year college students but half way-through with

My mind is perplexed by the entire thought of this.

Today is entirely ambiguous.
There is hardly any sense of a beginning,
just mere glimpses of the sense of an ending.

I pursued Concordia with hastiness and expectation,
but I have decided to go into the near and far futures with
little expectation and at a pace that I feel most comfortable in.

I don't know whether I'm sad today,
or whether it's the heat that's got me feeling unlike myself.
But I've been walking around all day with a familiar little knot in my stomach
that makes me acknowledge that an end is near.

My entire being knows that this is where it comes to another season of goodbye's.
Today I told my roommate that the most valuable lesson my last relationship taught me
was the importance of saying goodbye.

My life has accumulated more goodbye's these past three years than I like.
But the art of learning how to value and how to hold onto those we say goodbye to
is a lesson that I am learning to embrace.

So today is my last day as a sophomore in college (let's hope those credits transfer!),
it's my last day living in Irvine, California,
it's my last night sleeping in this dorm that has housed more lessons on adulthood than I had ever imagined,
and it's my last day (for now) with absolute beautiful individuals whose lives have blessed mine in ways I do not deserve.

I'm sad to see another year go,
but I have gotten so much wisdom and writing material out of these months.

George Fox showed me the direction I should pursue,
Concordia proved to me that I have potential in my talent and in that pursuit,
and now I am in search of what this talent means.

I went all the way north, to the good ol' PNW,
to come all the way south to the OC,
just to learn that where I was before college wasn't as bad as I had deemed it to be.

God is absolutely hilarious in all of this,
but He's got to know what He's doing more than I do ;)

the end.

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