Thursday, April 23, 2015

last day of junior year classes recap.

just wanted to write myself a little note on here:

today was a good day.
it was long and jam-packed and emotional,
but it was so good.

and this coming wednesday, you will officially be a college senior.
units counted and all.

you haven't always loved college.
it has been a lonely,
thought provoking,
ever altering,

but, summed up simply: it has been so good.
{or, "well", if i want to use my three-years-towards-a-bachelor's-degree-in-english knowledge}

today you completed one of the greatest undergrad courses you have ever taken,
the southern novel.

and, you are nearly done with your last book of the year: till we have faces
{even though you definitely won't finish cs lewis' biography...but, who's counting?}.

last semester you read jane austen's:
sense & sensibility
pride & prejudice
and mansfield park.

you read theological books on the book of acts. {not to mention you read acts three times through}.

you wrote your first exegesis.

you took british lit. and read so many pieces of texts:
the iliad (homer)
the odyssey (homer)
oedipus the king (sophocles)
lysistrata (aristophanes)
the divided line and the cave (plato)
lyrics (catullus)
metamorphosis (ovid)
aeneid (virgil)
medieval lyrics
the inferno (dante)
canterbury tales (chaucer)
petrarchian and shakespearian poetry
paradise lost (milton)
don quixote (cervantes)
and a modest proposal (swift).

you read a book all about marriage and family psychology.

you read pages and pages of handouts and articles regarding discipleship.

then, this semester, the reading went to a whole other level. you weren't just intrigued, but you became passionate.

you read some of shakespeare's plays all the way through:
a midsummer night's dream,
henry iv, part i,
measure for measure,
and as you like it.

you read an entire textbook on environmental science {which was the biggest miracle read of all}.

you read such great works from cs lewis:
mere christianity
the screwtape letters
the great divorce
the abolition of man
the lion, the witch and the wardrobe
out of the silent planet
and {almost done} till we have faces
-- plus most of that bio you probably won't ever finish!

{which makes me want to cry with happiness...i now have a favorite genre to refer to when i talk about what types of books i prefer, rather than just stating fiction}:

the adventures of huckleberry finn (mark twain)
wise blood (flannery o'connor)
the moviegoer (walker percy)
beloved (toni morrison)
joe (larry brown)
the awakening (kate chopin)
as i lay dying (william faulkner)
the optimist's daughter (eudora welty) the hell did i get so blessed to read all of this?!?

when i describe my college education it goes something like...

i have basically read my bucket list of the authors and texts i only ever dreamt of glimpsing...luckily i not only got to read them, but i got a grasp on them, i was in a structured environment where everything was being explained to could i have not taken advantage of that?

so, that's the blessing of college, i've learned.
not only will i {hopefully} get a higher pay with this degree,
but i will also forever have the knowledge of these texts engrained in my ideology.

and that's what is my favorite part.

i feel so blessed.

even as i am swamped with one last lewis paper and one last chopin/faulkner paper.

i can't wait for classes in august!


Wednesday, April 22, 2015

sometimes as a writer,

it's as if you're dammed to live within the fiction that you create for yourself each and every day.
as magical as it oftentimes feels, there is always a halting reality waiting at the end of the dream.

but, before you deem this halting reality as a pessimist's remark,
know that what i mean is that i am trying to recognize and welcome this reality
in my own life & find a balance between
my own fiction and absolute truth.

somewhere in between there must exist a balance of creativity and sanity, yes?

today, in my final day of my shakespeare course, my professor wanted to discuss
the importance of studying literature. so that's what we did for an hour and a half --
we talked about the importance of the preparation and wisdom that literature brings to an
individual regarding the hardships that might actually arise in life.

she hopes that we will all continue to read -- and to not just read for fun,
but to read what is difficult, what is ugly, what is grueling and long and full
of despair...but to embrace the ideas as fully as we should when w read something that is rawly funny or joyous or beautiful.

hoard the fiction, and keep it for real life.


Saturday, April 18, 2015

you guys...

i splurged on the cutest pair of summer shoes.
{ok. there's lots of cute pairs of summer shoes...}
but these are like...
well, very rarely am i a shoe girl but when i saw these vans at nordstrom's last weekend,
it was just fate.

all week i would just about purchase them online, but as soon as i got
to the check-out stage i would close the tab.

then, today, i walked by vans.
a saleswoman asked if i needed any help...
i just looked at boyfriend with those oh-no-help-me-eyes...
and then i asked her if i could try on a size and within five minutes the shoes were
on my feet and then seconds after that she was ringing me up at the cash register.


the shoes won.
my wallet lost.
but, all in all, at least my feet reap the benefits of my wallet's demise.


they're even polka dot inside!

Friday, April 17, 2015

a crazed procrastinator. what i've been listening to:


so i'm obsessed with anything wes anderson. but the soundtrack for the grand budapest hotel has been on repeat in my ears for about a month, if not longer.
i'm obsessed with it. obsessed.

it helps me write. 
in fact, the entire alexandre desplat station on pandora is pure writing inspiration genius.
so here's a little taste of that little tune from the film.
it's slightly different from how it sounds on pandora but you get the picture...or the sound?

finally, when i have been writing more serious works, this score -- another desplat masterpiece, except it's for the imitation game -- keeps me going strong.

that piano just kills me every time. and my fingers click away.
i freakin love it.

and then, like, because drake...

Thursday, April 16, 2015


Let's talk about redemption,
because don't we all need a little bit of that?

On Tuesday, Berkeley Boy and I had a bit of a rough day just relationally.
It was all on me -- not that he's perfect, but more that my flaws way outnumber his ;)
And, I'm difficult.
And, I've had so much anger lately.

So, for those of you who are reading: Here is your warning to quit reading now. Close the tab, walk away, forget I ever started to say anything to you.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

two years & twenty-one

an old friend messaged me on facebook tonight and his message just about made my entire week!
corbin was one of my closest friends while i lived in newberg, or.

i remember the first time he and i ever met.
we were at the first breakfast of the school year.
we sat at this rounded table in the cafeteria --
i was nervous and he was calm and collected (so he seemed).

we eventually realized that the two of us had the same first class:

old testament literature.

i felt so relieved that i had someone to show me where to walk to class.

corbin and i just kind of stuck together all throughout the school year --
in our own way, of course.

i cannot recall when the comfortability in bickering came about,
but when it did we were both very comfortable.

i was extremely emotional that year {okay, so, i'm always emotional but that year it was at an all time high} and corbin wasn't afraid to call me out on my shit or to tell me when i was wrong or annoying or ridiculous.

and i really loved him for it.
for once i didn't have someone putting pressure on me in a friendship.

we didn't need to see each other all the time to be friends,
and we weren't friends just to be friends.

he still remains one of my most favorite people to have a conversation with just because
he always seems to be formulating new thoughts about god and theology, even the world around us.

i always feel a bit timid spurting out my thoughts because somehow he always seems to know
more than me {and not at all in an arrogant way and more in a grown-up way}.

i was so pleased when i found out that he and i would go to romania together.
once more, i had someone to walk me somewhere so that i wouldn't get lost.
so, together, we trekked across the world and into eastern europe.

it was my first time out of the country.
it was his first time returning to his birth place in romania.

the bickering didn't stop in romania {ha!},
some of my fondest memories of him are from those
conversations or disagreements during that trip.

we were all vulnerable in one way or another while there.
and when you leave the country with someone, you always share that
bond of a friendship.

the last day i saw corbin was in pdx, late at night.
we had just landed from hours and hours of traveling back in time.
i think that our entire day of july fifth lasted twenty-nine hours.

i can recall saying goodbye in a groggy way.

it was the last time i saw that oregon friend of mine.

until we met up one year later.

he picked me up in a little red car.
he had just spent the summer living in romania
and i had just moved home from orange county.

we were opposites.
and yet, being with an old friend again was so wonderful.

as we drove through portland i couldn't help but note how
indebted i am to my first university for blessing me with
friendships that abound in love and joy and depth.

so we sat across from one another eating tacos at por-que-no?
and then we made our way to see romanian friends.
we got lost.
at the time he refused to have a cell phone.
when i asked him how he thought we'd get around {because what if i didn't have an iphone!?}
he sarcastically responded, "i knew that you would have an iphone."

then we went back to his place to have one of our talks.
he has the cutest dog that ran around the yard with us.
we caught up on what the professors were saying about different ideas,
and i got his opinion on some of my own thoughts.

then it was time to go.
he dropped me back at newberg, where the friendship all began.

college has never been the same relationally since i left fox.

with the exception of a few people, i haven't met many who see me the way
my fox friends did when we were all so young -- though not much younger than we are now.

in a half hour i turn twenty-one.
it has been almost two years since i made friends like corbin.

i am in love with my best friend,
attending my third university,
and dreaming dreams i never thought possible.

i am certainly going into tomorrow with major gratitude.

god is good.
tonight he reminded me of just how good he is,
especially when it comes to joining friendships.

*please pardon ALL of the errors. it's late and this was not proofread...oooops.

p.s. here's a little remembering for tonight with some bad-quality pictures feat. corbin and friends.

happy birthday to how old/young i feel right now.