Thursday, June 4, 2015

On being Twenty-One Years Old

Someone posted THIS and it came up on my Facebook feed. I've probably read it--or something like it--before, but this time I really appreciated what the individuals had to say. Usually I find these things unrelatable or irrelevant but today I supposed I needed to hear it.

I've barely put a dent into my twenties but sometimes I feel really old (but mostly I feel even younger than what I am now). It's crazy to think that in nine years I'll be thirty. And, trust me when I say that I realize that you can still be thirty and be young. Heck, I'm learning from my own dad that you can be fifty and be young and foolish and naive about things.

But here I am, twenty-one years old, which sounds much older than what it
is in reality.

I've had a lot of free time during this past month of summer.
I've had time to think,
to read,
to watch what I eat,
to intentionally exercise,
to actually go to bed early,
to write,
to make amends,
to continue grudges, 
to try some (very simple) recipes,
to actually call a friend,
to talk about boundaries,
to visit boyfriend,

But in all of this free time I have felt a little sense of ok what do I do now?
And I think that this feeling comes from being slammed with an immense academic load for the past nine months.

During this past month I've also watch as friends (lots and lots of friends) have left the country,
left the state,
prepared to get married,
prepared to graduate,
moved in to apartments,
or prepared for other journeys. 

And, if I'm honest, I've struggled with being happy with my own self while 
watching the transitions and successes of others.

And I'm not proud of this.
Being off of Instagram the past six weeks or so has truly helped alleviate
some of what I'm feeling,
but admitting to the feelings that remain seems right.

I don't want this post to be negative because I don't feel negative right now.

Right now (in this season of my life), I'm attempting to plow the field as my pastor's wife explained to me.
She told me about Elijah and Elisha from the Bible, and explained that Elisha plowed the fields behind filthy oxen for a very long time while God prepared him for when Elijah would come.

There was further explanation with what she told me, but her words about Elisha resonated with me because that is what college has oftentimes felt like -- like I'm plowing a field behind filthy oxen when I would much rather be traveling or seeing my boyfriend every day or living in a beautiful city.

This field, though, has proven to be bountiful, even when the days are long and hot and the work is tedious.
I feel that this is what my early twenties are for: Plowing the field, paving the road, and discovering who I am.

So, to correlate with the link I've shared,
year or so of being in my twenties has taught me a few things that I want to remind myself of:

1. Moving out of state--away from home--is the scariest experience of my life so far,
and worth every dollar, tear, hour, and mile. 

2. Forgiveness is the beginning of new chapters and the end of stagnancy.

3. Eating well actually can taste good (even though I have a loooong way to go with discovering
just how "well" I can actually eat).

4. Making the bed every day, folding the laundry, washing the dishes can bring the feeling of self-sufficiency, which is a priceless feeling when you're young and striving for independence. 

5. Reading makes the world seem so much bigger and doable and beautiful than it may seem in the here and now. 

6. Church on Sundays brings a consistency that helps the week end well or begin well -- depending on how you look at it.

7. Going to bed early and waking up early is as wonderful as older people say it is.

8. Leaving the country is just as exhilarating as it is scary. I highly recommend it.

9. Serving others trumps social media any and every day. I highly recommend engaging in servitude and disconnecting from social media simultaneously. 

10. Learning to love people and things has been one of the greatest things so far.

here's a picture of me fiddling with my camera -- being a twenty-something... or something;)
thanks for reading.