Thursday, October 29, 2015

thursday thoughts.

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details, worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour. If we refused, or rather used up, such paltry information as we get, the oracles would distinctly inform us how this might be done. 

-Henry David Thoreau; an excerpt from Where I lived and What I Lived For from Walden

Thursday, October 22, 2015

*que petty venting* and :"science classes are kicking my ass"

- a phrase i never thought would come out of my mouth. not because i didn't think that science classes could kick my ass, but because i didn't ever really anticipate taking them. i thought that math my freshmen year of college would suffice...then i realized that math cannot be a scapegoat for science...

anyway, yesterday and today have been shit days in my academia world. i'm actually just having a major pity party, and i never ever mean to sound ungrateful for the education i have been given.

i should be telling myself: "madison, you're so blessed! you get to study SCIENCE! not everyone gets to study science!" i usually give myself this pep talk before my three hour lab.

two hours later, i'm thinking anything but this.
i'm the annoying type that, when frustrated or overwhelmed, i become incredibly silent and unnervingly intense. my lab partner is this little ray of sunshine and i feel like a god awful person
at the end of each frustrating lab because i know that my silence just makes me seem like the rain shower on her pretty parade.

all i want is to go home.
i might just do that tomorrow and just forget about monday's classes.
i just can't deal (okay, yeah i can, i've had way worse but i just don't want to deal)...

i am craving my dad's coffee and my own pancakes from scratch. not to mention my
homemade oatmeal breakfast cookies...making breakfast is about all i'm good at (haaa), unless you're okay with grilled chicken, bell peppers and onions for dinner.

this is my fourth night eating spaghetti, so all other foods sound phenomenal right now.

ok. my petty venting is over.
the end.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

If you need something to listen to:

Blood by The Middle East

Smother by Daughter

The Way You Look Tonight by Fred Astaire

Michicant // Blood Bank by Bon Iver

Young Blood by Birdy

Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead

Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley

Another Story by The Head and the Heart

Backstreet Freestyle by Kendrick Lamar

Bugs Don't Buzz by Majical Cloudz

Most--if not all--are oldies, but still goodies.
Nonetheless, what the hell --
they're some of my faves and I have them on now.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


In the midst of studying for my philosophy midterm tomorrow, I am reminded that there is a god who allows joyful moments of distraction !!!

You can read her blog at

I swear to you, she should be a famous author on life, womanhood, honesty, angst and resilience. 
I study beautiful writers every day and cherish so many of them,
but oftentimes there are clusters of writers who are so far-removed from modern times, 
or their rawness feels forced, or their writing reads pretentious.

When I need a deep read to escape my school stresses, I love Meg's words.
They validate how I feel as a twenty-one-year-old woman,
they make me laugh,
they make me sigh when I relate to the pain,
and, overall, they have inspired my own fragments of writing.

So, if you need a good read, go to her blog.
Buy her $8 e-book.
I can't wait to buy mine.

the end.

Excerpts from something this morning while the sun was still much too lazy to rise.

A writer needs his/her secrets, let me tell you.

Writers need the secrets made late at night, kept early in the morning, and observed all throughout the afternoon.

I make a million secrets everyday, I swear. Even if I don't remember them. 

Secrets that are shared in glances. In gestures. As you walk from one part of the day to another, and a stranger does a kind act, or you see someone cry. Secrets are whispered all around us as people interact, even if nothing is spoken. 
I love these secrets.
There's a nakedness to them; a quiet moment of silenced reality blurred beautifully by fleeting seconds that glisten as fast as a drop of water before it drops down, down, down and is gone forever -- maybe someday forgotten, but written in the history of moments in time nonetheless. The smallest moments are written out in time in no less a font than the great moments. 

They're intimate -- even if no attraction, lust, or desire is mixed in. Sometimes, people are just wonderful because they're people. Because there's a goodness to them. Perhaps you share an underlying characteristic or bond or experience with them without even knowing it. Perhaps you and the person in front of you are thinking the exact same thought -- in that moment, the two of you are that one in a billion
Don't we all secretly wish to be that one in a billion? 

Friday, October 9, 2015


I have LA on my mind.
I never thought I'd ever move near the WEST HOLLYWOOD area.
Can I not wake up from my film dream when it all begins in January?
Someone pinch me.
I'm going to write a film and make Hollywood a temporary home. 

Thank you, Jesus.
{and mom & dad}

That's all I keep telling myself.
I guess he meant business when he put a love of writing in
my heart when I was just a child.

Feelin' all the thankful,
dreamy feels today.

Happy Friday.

*Also, anything ODESZA, Hippie Sabotage or even Purity Ring is destined to be on repeat in my ears while I'm there. I remember Tove Lo was mine and my OC roommate's jam. 

I can't WAIT for those Southern California days. I could cry.
K. bye.

Monday, October 5, 2015


Like, where has she been over the years?!?!?!?

Back in middle school/high school Agyness Deyn, Coco Rocha, Sasha Pivovarova, Hilary Rhoda, Natalia Vodianova, Bruna Tenorio, Caroline Trentini, Jessica Stam, Gemma Ward, Raquel Zimmermann, and Lily Donaldson were my absolute favorite models {how I just named them all off the top of my head kind of makes me worried haha...goes to show just how consumed I was with fashion...oops...}.

I was honestly obsessed with them.
But Agyness Deyn had the pixie cut of my dreams and a boyish style that I still {fail to} strive for today.

AND she was back on the runway just this week!
Which makes me happy.

For most, fashion is entirely superficial {I do have my priorities straight most of the time, people!}
but seeing Agyness' face pop up on Vogue's Facebook page was like seeing a favorite childhood actress.

In my newfound adult life, I love films.
But the editorials of W, Harper's Bazaar, Elle, and Vogue were my preferred make-believe stories beginning just ten years ago.

HAPPY MONDAY (once more!)

*both images courtesy of

Side note: Here are the first two shows I ever saw.
They changed my life.

Marc Jacobs taught me that color-blocking with clothing is a thing.
And he's been my fave ever since.

This Donatella Versace show was something I watched repeatedly. I used to watch it after school, especially when girls were mean to me and I felt that I could get revenge someday by becoming a famous model {ha!}.
 Actually, this week I've been getting ready in the mornings to Sleep Deprivation by Simian & Mobile Disco (the first song) and Perfect (Exceeder) by Mason & Princess Superstar (second song) because I love the music and the feel of this show SO MUCH.
Oh, and we can't forget MIA's song in there, which is still just as good ;)

Now I'm done. 

monday thoughts:

today i am trying to grasp the idea that setting our ugly "stuff" free--even in all of its scariness and potential heartache--is actually a beautiful picture of the redemption human's are capable of receiving. i am reminding myself that faith cannot be fully known in stagnancy and comfortability. faith--even faith the size of a mustard seed--needs high leaps, exhausted sprints, seemingly endless amounts of time... 
truth does not have to beautiful to make something beautiful. and the ugliness of life is not intended to be endured secretly and alone, but in community with the intent of wholeness. 

just thinking about life/procrastinating homework/waiting for class.

happy monday

Thursday, October 1, 2015

October 1st Morning Musings

loveeee October.
Obviously November and December have their own reasons for being loved,
but October is that anticipatory goodness before all the crazy goodness.
Oftentimes I'd much rather extend the moment of waiting for something wonderful
rather than being in the wonderful moment itself. Know what I mean?

But, so far, this morning has been one of the best mornings yet.
I allowed myself to sleep in until eight...which is a big deal for someone
whose internal alarm clock sounds about ten minutes to six.

I oftentimes find that I not only rush through life as a whole, but through the 
hours and minutes of my day, as well.
Since Sundays usually mean early church, Fridays mean chapel, and Saturdays are usually
spent elsewhere, I have been attempting to make my Thursday mornings a sort of Sabbath.
As a way of practicing quietness and peace, I make myself--yes, practically force--slow down, not rush to school to hit the books, and to just tidy my room, read, blog, pray, and take my time at getting ready for the day/weekend.


Anyway, the morning is great because I'm actually taking it slow. But, I woke up to a rainy morning! Yay! I slept with the windows open in the hopes that it would rain, and the smell was just amazing. The wind brushing past my blinds smelled pure and like the trees. {I juuuust might have to treat myself to a pumpkin soy latte today due to all of these seasonal feels right now...}

Also, today meant Paris Fashion Week highlights!!! My favorite collection so far was Chloe' has such a bohemian meets minimal feel to it {says my non-fashion-educated-self, but hey..}. Balmain always kills it, although it represents a style very much unlike what I usually prefer. And I have yet to see Lanvin's collection, although I am looking forward to that.

The ready-to-wear line up for the week has me so excited to wake up each morning and check the highlights.

Tomorrow, I am looking forward to the Dior, and Balenciaga shows.

Saturday, I am looking forward to Vivienne Westwood...because, although it's a week of ready-to-wear did you see the Sex in the City dress? I mean, c'mon, my dream gown is a Westwood gown...but that's all it is, a dream. *sigh*

Sunday, I am excited for Celine, John Galliano and McQueen...Alexander McQueen was my favorite designer in high school. I will never forget the day he passed away. At that point in my life I was convinced I could some how "make it" someday and walk in one of his shows in those impossible, sky-high ballerina like heels. Again, I'm really just quite the dreamer ;)

Monday is Hermes and Saint Laurent...two classics, two beauties. A girl can always dream of a Birkin Bag along with everything else, right? ;)

And then Tuesday...the Mother of all shows...CHANEL. I heart Lagerfeld and his consistently classic take on women. Valentino shows afterwards, too, which will definitely be a collection in its own right.

Finally, Tuesday, Miu Miu and Louis Vuitton. Prada showed today and, while I always love their skirts, I have an even greater love for Miuccia Prada's shoes for her Miu Miu collections. Plus, Louis Vuitton...from Vuitton himself, to Marc Jacobs, to--now--Nicolas Ghesquiere, it never disappoints...

SO THERE'S MY SECOND FASHION WEEK RANT FOR THE MORNING. The first rant was heard alllll by boyfriend, poor thing haha


On the twenty-first of last month, boyfriend and I celebrated TWO YEARS WHAT of being together. We spent the day hopping around the city.
He requested some shopping around Union Square and down Market,
and I requested riding Muni to Ocean Beach.

It was one of my most favorite days of our relationship.

I love him.

happy almost weekend!
happy paris fashion week!
happy october 1st!!!