Sunday, January 31, 2016

i wrote this blog post a month and a half ago but pulled it out of drafts because the song came on tonight and i figured i'd write about it since i'm missing san here's my january 31st edited edition + a pretty quote from steinbeck:

i have a silly little ritual each time i drive along the 80 west. i play vampire weekend's step. the first time i heard it i was sitting in my dorm room in oregon, and the song felt like home. and over time it has come to feel more and more like a quiet anthem for coming home.

Every time I see you in the world, you always step to my girl.

as i curve along the freeway, to my right i first see the golden gate stretched between two pieces of land. the sky line comes next, and i sigh without fail at how much i feel at home in those moments. 

Back back way back I used to front like Angkor Wat
Mechanicsburg Anchorage and Dar es Salaam
While home in New York was champagne and disco
Tapes from L.A. slash San Francisco
But actually Oakland and not Alameda

i used to play it just because of the reference. also, partly because i love the sound, and partly because i thought that i was that girl.

Your girl was in Berkeley with her Communist reader
Mine was entombed within boombox and walkman
I was a hoarder but girl that was back then

i've been asked what it means to have gloves off and teeth out, and every time i think i give a bullshit answer and justify the band's quirky lyrics.

The gloves are off, the wisdom teeth are out
What you on about?

i've been listening to this song since my year in oregon, but for once in my life i feel like i'm coming closer to the place it draws me back to every time. and the dream behind this pull is perhaps a bit crazy, or unconventional, or far fetched. but it's my truth. and the feeling in my bones is all about me, and not about anyone else.

I feel it in my bones, I feel it in my bones
I'm stronger now, I'm ready for the house
Such a modest mouse,

I can't do it alone, I can't do it alone

Every time I see you in the world, you always step to my girl

so the song step came on tonight and i probably would have cried happy tears and sad tears should i had been alone. 

i drove past sunset, past melrose and just listened and hummed, every time i see you in the world, you always step to my girl.

and i decided to keep holding the song near to my heart -- among many things. 

Ancestors told me that their girl was better
She's richer than Croesus, she's tougher than leather
I just ignored all the tales of a past life
Stale conversation deserves but a bread knife
And punks who would laugh when they saw us together
Well, they didn't know how to dress for the weather
I can still see them there huddled on Astor
Snow falling slow to the sound of the master

in this new era, i'm simply in search of more wisdom, and, boy, i'm not old yet.
i'm finally allowing myself to not feel so old anymore. i'm not going to trade in my youth for more wisdom.

not just yet.

Wisdom's a gift, but you'd trade it for youth
Age is an honor, it's still not the truth
We saw the stars when they hid from the world
You cursed the sun when it stepped to your girl
Maybe she's gone and I can't resurrect her
The truth is she doesn't need me to protect her
We know the true death, the true way of all flesh
Everyone's dying, but girl you're not old yet

p.s i stumbled upon a blog that posts beautiful sentences.
one caught my eye because it talks about monterey, california.
i love how much steinbeck loved that part of california.

and in my mind i concluded that the way he loved and wrote about that part of the coast
is exactly how i plan to spend my life towards san francisco:
an all consuming love affair of words and place and girl.

— John Steinbeck, Cannery Row

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