Thursday, June 2, 2016

I'm Calling Myself A Loser ... though not to be self-deprecating

"You're not the winner. You're the loser," he declared --
though softly and not harshly.

"Why am I the loser?"

"Because it didn't work out. You left and it failed. I am the winner."

So I laughed. Not because it was funny,
but because he was right. He is right. And when something is so sad or disturbing, sometimes one must laugh (I learned that last night while watching The Lobster).

And sometimes enough time has passed that what was once painful can be scoffed at with 
a bit of laughter.

And--always--How I Met Your Mother, in all of its outrageousness, is applicable enough to life and relationships.

Therefore, I lost.
Not because of the show.
Not because he thinks I'm a loser.
But because I chose for myself and I lost something for a time.

Though it's wonderful that grace is such a thing.

And -- I must admit that in my loss I won a piece of wisdom.

I learned that giving one thing up for the sake of another isn't any gain at all when you put aside who you are, and what you love.

I learned the character of grace from forfeiting what was good.

So I lost.

I gained a thing that gave me nothing.
And when I realized all that I had lost,
grace was kind enough to reach out its hand and give me another shot.
It was selfless enough where I wasn't.

And in all of my loserdom, it chooses to laugh with me.
Not at me.

That's winning. 
That's a gain.


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