Monday, October 3, 2016

somewhat settled --

today i hit a record number of cries within twenty-four hours.

it was insane, you guys.

look in the mirror - cry.
think about my mom - cry.
look at my mess of a room in boxes - cry.
stuck in traffic - cry.
couldn't get my parking permit - cry.
while on facetime - cry.
as i was unpacking said boxes - cry.
looking for my tooth brush - cry.
looking for a pony tail - cry.
while packing my purse for the day - cry.
while getting dressed for an interview - cry.
when my parents left yesterday afternoon - sobbed.
last night while looking about my room and breathing in the silence - cry.

this list in entirely accurate, i promise.

but you know what? i got so many tears out.
and -- my room is starting to have that vibe that every
room i've ever had usually creates : warm, cozy and cluttered with my collectibles.

i'm trying not to think about rent, student loans, the impending result of my interview, or the fact that i should go to the dmv early tomorrow --

because in this small moment of my day, i have the a sliver of a piece of peace that i haven't had in the past seventy-two hours.

i'm finally inhaling and exhaling.

i'm finally eating some substance {because i haven't felt like eating much in days}

i'm finally letting myself off the hook if only for tonight.

i know that i'm a "grown-up" and all, and i should get my second job, but
i just needed to meet my final goal of the day: writing at least something.

so here we are.

i wrote something.

and i survived the day.

my aunty kathy told me to go about each day saying i just need to make it to the end of the day.

tomorrow will have enough worry {and hopefully joy} of its own.

cheers to adulthood, and job interviews that teach you something, and owning too many thrifted things, and eating chinese food three nights in a row, and missing your mom and dad, and wanting to kiss the one you like most, and eating chocolate {from oxford} for "lunch" and the trunk of your car for storage, and the water from the brita that you drink from a mug and feel so proud of because, damn, you own your own brita!

my therapist said that even paying a bill is enough of an achievement for one day.
so today i collected a handful of great achievements for just my first day.

and my first day was even a monday!

god, i'm glad my first day is officially over.


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