Thursday, February 2, 2017

in need of spring

today was filled with one too many wrongful assumptions --
i can attest to being the blame in some of this.
lots of tears were had. lots of frustration went unexpressed from me,
though not from others.

i often get ahead of myself.
i speak before i should.

but i am not the only one.

and, today has given me three lessons:

1. it isn't about proving one's self right, even in the face of absolute wrong
2. assumptions are a seed for destruction, even if the intent isn't malicious.
3. it is okay to voice an opinion -- it is also okay to pull back, to refrain, to let the dust settle.

i've had one too many hiatuses from this blog. much of that has to do with being busy.
the other part of that has to do with fear of those i love taking my words and categorizing me by them with a misconstrued lens. i've been too afraid to be honest, for fear of how it would affect old and new relationships, and even my job.

i haven't been free to say what i please without being met by a roar of disapproval.

so, i'm taking a more long-term and intentional hiatus. not that anyone is even reading this anymore.

not that an absence from social media really matters.

i have been bombarded by hateful words and untrue rhetoric.
and i need some time to breathe.
i need some time to think, and read, and write freely without all of the noise.

i need to just be.

because, while the rest of the world is quick to pounce on voices that are not favored,
i need to take my own advice and learn to not react, learn to be in deeper silence, and learn to be more open to forgiving others and forgiving myself.

see you in the spring


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