Sunday, March 19, 2017

spring.

"We cast a shadow on something wherever we stand, and it is no good moving from place to place to save things; because the shadow always follows. Choose a place where you won't do harm - yes, choose a place where you won't do very much harm, and stand in it for all you are worth, facing the sunshine." 

- E.M. Forster

+++

I have never been more eager for the spring time.

And I have never longed more for summer.

And this place, this city, that seems to kill me a bit more each day
is growing me as well.

Always a twist of irony to keep me on my toes, and I wouldn't change that bit of my life whatsoever.


I'm trying (and trying with all of my might) to say yes more.

To be gracious with myself when it comes to making a purchase and fulfilling an indulgence; gracious with my time in the morning -- allowing myself to linger under white sheets and soak in the brisk air through my window;
graciously feeding my body more greens, more fruits, and still never denying myself a cheeseburger;
gracious with my smiles;
gracious with kind words and sincere compliments;
gracious with my hope, even in the midst of a could-be pipe-dream


I have not been positive or fair to myself in some time, and I know this on account of those
around me and the notes they have been taking.


There is so much change in my life at present,
so much to learn,
so far to grow.


And so spring time is perfect time. 

I crave the ocean -- which is new for me.
I crave late night movies, and windows rolled down in the car.

My mind keeps coming back to certain songs that leave chills along my arms,
and I find moments to take the time to breath in deep, long breaths to fill my lungs and clear my head.

And I am hopeful.

I don't believe in my hope every second of every day,
yet I am hopeful.

As hopeful as I was for the spring when I was in the dead of winter.

Hopeful for words that build pictures,
hopeful for the memories I have longed to acquire,
hopeful for new faces and places,
hopeful for new habits,
hopeful for the impossible,
hope for the triumph over my fears.

Hopeful and a half. 

+++

"I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughing." 

- Melville