Tuesday, May 2, 2017

the rabbit hole

I am a firm believer in second chances.

Like the saying goes, Treat others as you'd like to be treated.

So it goes with second chances.

Because humans are inherently flawed, mistakes are fact,

and second chances, needed.


Pushing aside flaws -- there also exists timing.

Where there exists human flaws, there also exists perfect timing:

a persistent little thing that we humans can't grasp, no matter the effort;

something we chase after and resent; something we count on (some pun intended).



I believe that second chances are just as necessary in light of timing.

The first time around, life orchestrated itself into the song that needed to be sung at that hour.

The second time around, perspective allows us familiarity with the crescendo. We are more inclined to listen (only if we've learned anything). We recall the feeling that fled so easily before, and this time we reach for its curtails and follow it down the rabbit hole as the song continues to build into blaring irony.

And, at the end of the tunnel is the hint of soft light, breaking through the dark unknown. Because isn't that what life is like -- constant trips down rabbit holes? The outside--the ordinary routine--continues on, but within the tunnels underground is a shift that we take part in if only brave enough to follow the curtails and absorb the song.

Sometimes we miss the tunnels, if it's not that we are too fearful to follow one down to a new light.

I have missed tunnels, due to timing, due to ignorance, and mostly due to fear.


I'm putting fear on pause, though, this time around anyway. Because it's the right now that I can attest to. I can't attest to then and when, I'm already losing too much sleep.

I've hopped down a rabbit hole.

Chasing down, down down, numb to the fear of falling if only this instance.


Above the ground, parts of me continue on. I am pursuing the consistency of everyday that adds a core of balance and normalcy.


But there is a tunnel running beneath the Earth. And somewhere not long ago, I found the portal and I deemed it a second chance. A second entrance. There was a hum overhead, a crescendo to a song I figured I'd forgotten. And I must sing along, if only for a short lived time that will surely break my heart when the curtain of the stage is drawn red across.


I didn't ask for the second chance.

I didn't know it was something that had the power to pull me under.



Not me.

No way.

'This is a song for a scribbled down name that I keep writing,

again

and 

again

and

again

and 

again...'


I live such a contrasted life.

And I know the facts.

And I know what I have said, the conditions I have set, and the fears I have planted and grown as a result.




But I've gone down the rabbit hole.

And, it's a bit too late.

I'll let you know when I come crashing down against the ground.

Or, when the soft light becomes blinding --

When the release has been had, and I'm on the opposite side of the Earth.

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